


Return to Me

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [13]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-17 01:52:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4647816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Rewritten version - to fit better into the followup I'm currently working on. If you've read this before please reread the last chapter <3</p><p>Takes place about 6 years after the end of "Finding Life Again".<br/>Anders & Ari Cousland return to Skyhold with their family to visit with friends.  What is expected to be a two week vacation turns into something no one could have predicted when someone goes missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to check me out, I'm on tumblr at: http://wardenari.tumblr.com/

The strawberry blonde boy looked outside the carriage window at the passing countryside. Nobody had asked him if he wanted to go on this trip. Instead he was just loaded up into the carriage with his parents, nanny and stupid little sister. If they had asked him, he would have told them how he’d much rather be in Denerim, where his friends were. In Denerim he could play with the King. The King was fun, and always had a treat to sneak him when his mother and Queen Sara weren’t looking. Instead they were on this stupid carriage going someplace stupid called  _ Skyhold _ . He’d never been there before, but he was sure it was nowhere near as interesting as Denerim. “Why are we going again?” he complained.

“Eleanor is going to be at Skyhold to represent Ferelden as the Princess. There is an important meeting with the Inquisition and Orlais that she is attending. And since she’s been traveling, we haven’t seen her for almost a year, so we’re all going to see her there.” His mother answered. She was braiding her long red hair, which was in contrast to his Dad’s short, blonde hair. Everyone told him how much he looked like his Dad. His Uncle Nate had once said he’d be breaking hearts like his dad had when he was older. He had no idea what that meant, but it didn’t really sound like fun.

“But, can’t we just see her when she comes home?” The boy rolled his eyes. A five day ride just to see another stupid sister. He had no idea why all the adults thought this was a good idea.

His Dad chuckled. “Well, Karl, some people in this family actually  _ like _ seeing your sister.”

“But, she’s a girl,” he stated matter of factly as if no other explanation was needed. “And why does she get to go in her own carriage? She always gets to travel, and go to balls, and I’m stuck here with Solona.” He pointed to his little sister who was toddling her way across the carriage to their parents now.

Ari shook her head with a smile, as the three year old that was the subject of her brother’s ire climbed into Ari’s lap. She was a dirty blonde like her father, but otherwise looked more like her mother. “Because she’s the Princess, dear. It’s her job. Just like my job is to advise Uncle Alistair, and your father’s job is to help the sick.”

“Hmph,” the boy pouted, looking back out the window as Skyhold came into view. “I never get to do  _ anything _ fun. I want to be the Princess.” His Dad chuckled and he heard his Mom say something about  _ he’s definitely your son. _

Solona had decided her mother’s lap wasn’t comfy enough and crawled into her father’s. “Daddy, fire!” she demanded once seated on his legs.

Never one to deny the apple of his eye, he held his hands out underneath the girl’s and cast a spell. Yellow, red and orange swirls covered both their hands. It was actually a harmless light spell, but it did look a little like fire, and the girl giggled and squealed with delight.

From his side of the carriage, Karl mumbled something about “Girls” while rolling his eyes again.

*** 

As the carriage pulled up to the main courtyard, Karl finally saw something that got him excited. “Uncle Cullen’s here!”

Ari and Anders exchanged amused looks at him  _ finally _ being cheerful about something. “I would hope so, it’s where all his stuff is,” Ari teased her son. 

Karl barely gave his mother a look before gawking out the window again. If Uncle Cullen was here, then maybe this trip wouldn’t be so bad. He was always fun.

As Anders helped him exit the carriage Karl looked at Cullen with awe. Any time he and the Inquisitor had visited them in Denerim, he’d been dressed typically in casual pants and shirt. But here, at Skyhold, was the first time Karl was seeing Cullen as the Commander, in his full armor and fur lined cloak. He made an intimidating appearance. The Commander knelt down to the boy’s height, shaking the boy’s hand. “Hi Karl, welcome to Skyhold.”

“Wow!” the boy quietly said in awe looking around at the large compound. “You and Aunt Evelyn live here? It’s bigger than Uncle Alistair’s castle!”

Cullen chuckled, “Yes, well we have lots of people that live here actually. If you want I’ll give you the tour later.”

While Karl was taking it all in, a soldier approached with a report for the Commander and saluted as he walked off. “Are you his boss?” Karl asked, clearly impressed.

Cullen nodded, amused at the wonder in the boy’s voice, remembering how in awe his sister Eleanor had been years ago when she had discovered he was Knight-Captain in Kirkwall. He was pretty sure though that the boy wouldn’t appreciate the comparison to his sister, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

“Can I be a soldier like you when I get bigger?” 

“I’d be honored to have you serve,” Cullen answered with a smile, rubbing the boy’s head.

“You want to be a soldier now?” Anders asked. “Five minutes ago you wanted to be a Princess.”

Karl gave his father a look that said ‘ _ stop embarrassing me’ _ .

“Dear, stop teasing him.” Ari chided, exiting the carriage with Marcus’ help. Solona was behind her, who Ari helped onto the ground.

“Good to see you again, Ser” Marcus nodded to Cullen as he picked up Solona who had been pulling on his leg.

“Same here,” the Commander answered. “It’s a pleasant surprise to see you with the Couslands”

Marcus nodded, “Yeah, sort of surprised me too. But when I heard about Solona’s birth, I realized I missed being around the little ones. So… here I am” he shrugged.

Cullen chuckled, “Made a nanny of you in the end, then?”

Marcus laughed, “Appears so.”

“Allow me to show you all to your rooms.” Josephine said as she arrived from across the courtyard.

*** 

The rooms were actually a three bedroom suite, similar to the one Eleanor and Ari had shared with the King years ago. It included a main living area and a private bath. Ari helped set the children up in one room, while Anders placed his and Ari’s bags in the larger bedroom, leaving Marcus to have the third.

As they were unpacking, there was a knock at the door. Karl excitedly ran to open it, and Ari could hear him grunt “Oh, just you”.

“Karl! Manners,” Ari scolded him from the room where she was helping Solona change clothes.

The Princess entered with a laugh. “Honestly Mamá, it’s fine. It’s actually a nice change of pace to have someone treat me normal. If Karl was happy to see me, I’d wonder what he was up to.” She poked her brother affectionately on the nose, which he quickly swatted away annoyed. “Where’s Dad?” she asked.

“Did I hear a Princess?” Anders asked coming out of the master bedroom. He held his arms out wide, pulling Eleanor in for a hug. He kissed her forehead and then pulled back slightly to look at her. “Look at you; you’re a grown woman now! And you look so much like your father. We’ve missed having you at home, meine Kleine.”

Ari looked over and smiled as she entered the room and placed Solona onto the ground. Eleanor had always favored Zevran, but looking at her now, there was no mistaking at all whose child she was. Her blonde hair had been cut to a little past her shoulder blades, and she had the same nose and jaw of the elf. It filled Ari’s heart with joy to see that, to have a small piece of him still there with her.

“I missed you too, Dad.” Eleanor beamed snuggling into Anders’ arms again. “How long are you staying?”

“Two weeks,” Ari answered as Eleanor released Anders and gave her mother a hug.

“Hi Enor” 

“Hi Solona,” Eleanor laughed picking up the toddler and spinning her around causing the girl to squeal with delight. 

There was another knock at the door, which again, Karl rushed to answer. This time he was more excited about who it was, “Aunt Evelyn!”

The Inquisitor entered, wearing her black hair in an elaborate Orlesian braid. She was in a flowing, yet casual, grey dress, that matched her eyes. “Hi Karl, did you have a good trip?”

“I had to share a seat with Solona. But the country is pretty.” He nodded.

“Poor lad is plagued with sisters, the bane of any seven year old boy’s existence.” Anders laughed reaching out a hand to welcome the Inquisitor, before pulling her in for a hug. “So good to see you again Eve.”

“You as well,” she nodded to Ari. “I was hoping to borrow you. I’d like your input on our new infirmary, maybe provide some suggestions to where we can make some improvements.”

“My pleasure, you need to clear it with my activity director though,” he pointed to Ari.

“Go,” Ari laughed at him, waving her hand to shoo him. “I’ll take the children to the garden to play.”

*** 

Eleanor and Ari sat on a bench in the garden watching the others run around. Ari was beside herself with joy actually having some time with her eldest. “How are the meetings going so far?”

Eleanor rolled her eyes, “Rylen should have been Orlesian, seriously! Everything they say is like it’s in code or something. No wonder Uncle Cullen complains about getting headaches from talking to them. It’s enough to make me reconsider this whole heir to the throne thing.” She laughed. Eleanor leaned into her mother’s arm. “It’ll be nice at the ball tomorrow night. At least this time I don’t have to pretend I don’t know you.” 

The last ball at Skyhold that the Princess had attended had been almost eight years ago. During that time she was only known as the King’s adopted daughter, a ruse to keep the same Crows that had killed her father from finding her. She had hated that ball, having to call her mother Lady Arainai, instead of Mamá. She also remembered being pretty mad at Anders then for kissing her mother, although he’d managed to win her over before the wedding.

Karl came over looking all defeated and sat next to Eleanor. “What’s the matter little brother?”

“There’s no boys my age to play with, and the older boys said I’m too little to play with them.” He pouted with a sigh and rested his head on his sister’s side, who he most definitely had not missed no matter what anyone said. “Will you play with me Ele?”

Eleanor smiled, “I will, but I think I see some people you’d probably want to play with more.” He followed her eyes up to the garden entrance where Marian Hawke and Fenris were standing, with two six year old boys in front of them. The boys both had dark, nearly black, hair. Looks-wise, they both resembled their father.

Karl’s face lit up. “Mamá, Malcolm and Carver are here!!!” he took off in a run towards where the Hawkes were standing.

Ari waved Fenris and Marian over as the three boys ran off to play together in the garden. “Well you made his day!” she laughed when they sat down beside her. “He nearly had to play with his  _ sister _ , Maker forbid”

Hawke laughed, and Fenris chuckled, “He has no clue how good he has it with the sisters he has. Mine was ready to sell me out to help herself.” Hawke reached over and patted his arm reassuringly.

Eleanor squeaked as Fenris put his arm around her and squeezed. “How is my favorite monarch?”

She giggled, “I’m great. It’s so wonderful to see everyone. I’ve missed you all so much.” She squirmed a little on the bench. “I, uh, may need to talk to you and Dad later, Mamá. Alone.”

Ari nodded, trying to hide a knowing smile.


	2. Nerves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All sweet fluff, until the end, when we take a turn in the story...

Cullen sat at his desk poring over his reports. The door to his office opened, but he didn’t bother to look up, so used to soldiers and messengers entering at will to leave more for him to do. It wasn’t until he felt something tug downwards at his hand that he stopped and looked. Looking up at him was a cherub faced three year old with a mass of long blonde curls.

“Well, hello,” he smiled, his face instantly softening.

“Da, there’s a new girl playing in the garden.” She said to him excitedly.

Cullen reached down and picked up the girl placing her in his lap while looking up to see his wife, Evelyn, smiling at him from the door. “Yes, Lily, that’s your cousin Solona. I bet you mother could take you there to play with her if you’d like.”

“First you need to have lunch with us, Da.” The girl said wearing a serious expression she clearly had picked up from her mother. He tried hard not to laugh, knowing it would only upset her. “You promised.”

“Well then,” the Commander said, placing her on the ground and standing up, giving his wife a wink, “Lead the way.”

*** 

Ari looked up from the couch as her husband entered the main room from the childrens’ bedroom. She gave him a warm smile, after nearly eight years together, she still felt butterflies when she looked at him. “They asleep?”

Anders smiled as he curled up on the couch behind her and pulled her into his arms. “Yes, finally. They both had an eventful day that they had to tell me all about before they would go down. Solona couldn’t stop talking about Lily, and Karl apparently had quite the adventure with the Hawke twins.”

“Marcus offered to stay if we wanted to go to the tavern for a game.” Ari leaned into him.

“Mmm” was all Anders replied as he started to kiss the back of her neck while his hands tightened around her waist. He was clearly in the mood for something, and it wasn’t playing cards.

“Dear,” she said, almost in a moan, “As much as I would really like to continue this, there are two small children in the next room who you know have the talent of interrupting at just the wrong time.”

Anders squeezed his arms around her again and placed his head on her shoulder, “Point taken. Maybe we can see if Bull’s room is free again.” He kissed her cheek when she giggled.

*** 

They entered the Herald’s Nest hand in hand. As soon as they crossed the threshold Ari was hit with flashbacks to their time in Skyhold. This location in particular held a special place in her heart. It was where they had gathered with friends, where they had laughed and shared stories. And it was all the more precious to her because it was where she and Anders had their second kiss, one that she cherished even more than their first because it hadn’t been given when he thought he might die the next day, but instead simply because he wanted to. The only place in Skyhold she cherished more was the gardens; where he had professed his love for her for the first time.

The party sitting around the table was not the same as it had been so many years ago, but it was still filled with cherished friends. Varric had returned to Kirkwall. Leliana was now Devine Victoria and away in Val Royeaux. Around the table sat Bull, Dorian, Fenris, Hawke and Cullen.

“No Evelyn, tonight?” Ari asked tossing a coin in the center while taking her seat.

“She’ll be along in a while. Lily was a little over excited from the play date today.” Cullen laughed as he began to deal.

Anders sat beside his wife on the bench, handing her a mug of ale. “You may have a chance to beat her tonight, Commander. She hasn’t played in years.” 

Ari snorted, “I’m just happy to have a night out with real live adults.”

“Here here” Hawke laughed raising her mug and tapping it with Ari’s.

The old friends laughed their way through several rounds as the crowd in the tavern slowly whittled its way down to a few stragglers. Anders watched his more-than-slightly intoxicated wife as she leaned on him. He kept an arm protectively around her waist, to keep her from falling backwards, but also keep her close to him. 

Ten years ago he had been hiding in the wilderness, never keeping in one spot more than a few days. It had been just a year after the chantry explosion. Ten years ago he wasn’t sure if he’d ever even see the end of the week, much less the month. If you had told him then, that ten years later he’d be sitting around a table in the Inquisition fortress, surrounded by friends, he’d have called you a crazy. If you had told him then that ten years later he’d be sitting with the woman he’d been secretly in love with for so long in his arms, and that they’d have a family, he would have called you an outright liar. If you had told him that he’d be Justice-free and cured of the taint, he would have been positive at that point that you were a demon, trying to trick him in the Fade.

Anders smiled down at his love, kissing the top of her head while she rested her head on his chest. He decided the Maker definitely worked a plan that no one could understand, but somehow he’d been given everything his heart had ever wanted, and it certainly didn’t seem like a trick of the Fade. The Maker had weaved together a good life for him. His wife, however, was trying, through her drunkenness, to weave her fingers under his robe. Anders laughed at her, picking up her hand from his leg and kissing it.

“Friends, I do believe you have successfully broken Ari. I think we will leave while I still have a chance to get her back to our room without carrying her the whole way.” Anders nodded to his friends, helping her over the bench and out the door.

He led her out of the Tavern, his arm around her shoulders to keep her steady as she kept on along his waist. They walked through the quiet courtyard, most of Skyhold having gone to sleep long ago. Before he knew what was happening, Anders found himself being dragged behind a part of crumbling wall that had never been replaced.

He caught himself with his arm pressed out to keep himself from slamming into the wall where his drunk rogue had herself pressed against, pulling him to her. He chuckled, “Angel, love, we have a room.”

“A room with two little mood killers. No one can see us.” She answered, already nibbling on his neck while one of her hands started to rub him through his robe.

Anders looked over his shoulder and could see she was, in fact, correct. The way the broken wall jutted, no one could see them unless they were right next to them, and being in a far off corner, the chance of anyone being there, especially this time of night was near impossible. His attention was brought back to his rogue when he felt her nails brush along his cock which was starting to wake up from her attentions.

“Sweetheart,” he tried to warn her.

Ari, however seemed to not be paying attention to him as she began to pull up his robes. Once high enough, she reached under and untied the laces of his breeches. Anders pressed his forehead against the wall trying, with little success, to regain control of the situation. He turned his head slightly, and she leaned up and kissed his lips. 

“I want you in my mouth.” she whispered seductively in his ear. 

“Fuck, Ari. How do you expect me to keep control when you say something like that?” It had been a long time, too long, since she had done that. Having a house filled with two, sometimes three, children didn’t lend itself to time for such things. Instead heated quickies had become the norm with them, save the rare times they were able to get an hour alone.

“I don’t,” she replied and then quickly fell to her knees.

Before he had a chance to regain his thoughts and try again to stop her he felt her tongue trace his cock. “Oh, Maker.” Anders moaned.

“No, I’m Ari, but I will also accept Hero or Angel.” She looked up at him.

Before he could answer he lost all coherent thought as she pulled him into her hot mouth. Anders closed his eyes, his forehead resting on the wall, hoping his body at least shielded her on the off chance anyone should pass by. “Ohhhhhh.” he moaned as she moved her talented mouth over his cock, her tongue pressing along it as she did.

His left hand held him up from collapsing into the wall as the right wove into her hair. His breathing grew shallow, he could feel his balls start to tighten. A reaction in combination of the act she was performing, and the thrill of possibly getting caught with his dick in the Hero of Ferelden’s mouth. 

She moaned around him, and he had to steady himself as his knees wanted to fold. “Oh, fuck, Angel you feel so unbelievable. Mmmmm.” he moaned.

He felt her squeeze his leg and understood it for the signal it was. His hand in her hair tightened and he began to move her back and then closer to him, having her take more of him in. He knew where her limits were, and never pressed her past it, but being in control, even if they both knew he’d never hurt her during this, it was thrilling. She moaned again and one of her hands began to play with his balls as Anders continued to pump in and out of her mouth. He could feel his balls start to tighten, his breath catching.

“Ari, love,” he moaned in warning. 

She took over, moving along him, sucking in her cheeks causing a sensation in his cock that ran through his shaky legs, making them feel weaker. A moment later he came, hearing her moan in response. He pressed his hand into his mouth to keep from shouting out. The sensations, seeing her down on her knees, taking him in, it was hotter than he could stand. As he caught his breath he felt her lick his cock, cleaning him off. She then pulled back up his breeches and tucked him in, placing a kiss to the shape under them once they were tied back up.

When she stood he kissed her hard, pressing his tongue into her mouth, pushing her flush with the wall. “You’re turn, love.” he growled.

She shook her head and pushed him back. “No, we’re going back to our room where you are going to fuck me thoroughly.”

Anders growled, he loved when she drank, as it nearly always turned into dirty talk from her.

When they returned to their room, he helped her to their bedroom and sat her on the bed. She began to kiss him in earnest. Anders held up a finger backing up. Anders stripped off his robe, and pulled off his shirt. He turned to look at his beautiful seductress, and shook his head with a smile at seeing her passed out on her side. He moved back to the bed and helped her under the covers, leaning down to kiss her head. He then changed into his sleep trousers and snuggled in beside her, letting sleep take him.

*** 

Ari and Anders sat on the couch in mild amusement watching Eleanor pace in front of them. She had told them that she wanted to talk with them, but now that she was here, she seemed at a loss for where to start. At her request they had sent Karl and Solona out with Marcus for the morning. Anders had his arm around Ari’s waist, holding her close. Eleanor would occasionally look over at them but still say nothing. She liked seeing them like this. Neither one ever seemed to want the other too far away. When she was younger, it would seem odd, or  _ gross _ as she had put it then. But now, at eighteen, she saw it as sweet, how her Dad could never seem to go more than a few hours without somehow touching her mother, be it a caress on the cheek, holding her hand, touching her arm. They were in love, and that they still were after so many years together was adorable to Eleanor now. It was something to strive for in her own life.

“I think she just came here to wear out a patch in our floor,” Anders commented with a smirk.

Ari gave him a friendly elbow causing him to squeeze her tighter. “Well, I do worry about if those speech lessons were a waste of the King’s money when she can’t even talk to her parents.” Ari commented.

Eleanor stopped pacing and looked at them with a smile. She knew they were teasing her to help her relax. She imagined her father there, doing the same. She sat on a chair and looked at them as they patiently waited for her to speak. Anders had been a good Dad to her. He’d put up with every time she had yelled  _ you’re not really my dad _ to him. It was something that she now realized must have cut him deeply, but he never said a thing. He was just always there when she needed him to be, always treated her like his own, and made sure she knew she was loved. As much as she adored him, it was days like this that she really missed her Papá.

Finally she spoke, “Mamá, Dad, there’s ... something… someone I want you to meet. I… I met him six months ago while touring Ferelden with Uncle King. His name is Darren, and he’s the son of Arl Chase.”

Ari and Anders exchanged a knowing look. They had already been told ahead of the trip about the young man by Alistair, but they had decided to wait for Eleanor to bring him up. That he had already been deemed ok by Alistair helped them both relax a little about him, knowing how protective Alistair was of the girl, that she was as a daughter to him. Ari still planned to make her own decision about this boy.

Eleanor took a deep breath, “I was hoping maybe you could meet him today, at lunch.”

Anders nodded, “Certainly. But are we supposed to be nice or scare him off?” he teased her again.

“Mamá!” Eleanor looked to her mother for help.

“He’s teasing, dear. Of course we want to meet this young man of yours. I know Alistair  has spoken well of him. How about the Commander?” Ari asked.

Eleanor blanched. “Oh no, you think Uncle Cullen will want to meet him? Please say no. When I just danced with that boy at my sixteenth birthday, I thought Uncle Cullen was going to challenge him to a duel. He scared Matthew so much he never spoke to me again.”

Ari laughed, “Ok, we’ll keep Cullen away, for now. But sooner or later he’s going to have to meet your Uncle.”

*** 

Ari observed with amusement as Darren squirmed through lunch. He had short brown hair, and a build that let her know that even though he was an Arl’s son, he was also a soldier, something he confirmed as they had talked. He seemed a little fidgety, but that was clearly nerves. He also was very clearly in love with Eleanor by the way he looked at her. Near the end of lunch a messenger arrived requesting the Princess’ attendance at the meeting room. She looked in a panic at her parents.

“Don’t worry dear, we won’t eat him.” Ari nodded to her daughter. “That’s your Uncle Cullen’s job.”

A look of horror briefly passed Eleanor’s face before she departed. Darren watched her walk until she was out of sight and then turned back to Ari and Anders in a look that spoke fear.

“Relax,” Anders smiled. “The King spoke well of you.”

Darren nodded. “If you don’t mind me saying so, my lady, you’re a little scarier than the King.”

Ari nodded while Anders chuckled beside her. “You’re very astute.” he said.

So far she liked the young man, but if he was here for the reason she suspected, then he’d have to prove he was worth to her first. Her face gave away no inkling of how she felt, using her training as a noble to have a neutral expression.

“So, Darren,” Ari spoke calmly, “Tell us more about yourself. I assume your attendants have already made it their job to tell you all about us.”

Darren gulped. “Y…y..yes Serrah. I.. ah…”

“Oh Makers’ breath,” Ari rolled her eyes and laughed. “If you’re this nervous talking to me you really will get eaten alive by the Commander.”

“The Commander, Serrah?” Darren questioned. 

“Oh trust me dear boy, he’ll be talking to you.” Ari nodded, “assuming that is that you wanted to meet with us to ask for her hand. I am right, aren’t I?”

Darren nodded enthusiastically, clearly relieved that he wasn’t going to have to bring up the subject. “I… uh… yes, Lady and Lord Cousland. I would very … um… much…”

Ari waved her hand, “Oh stop with that, Just call me Ari, ok? And I assume you know my husband’s past?” Darren nodded, “Well then you know he’s definitely no Lord, and clearly not very good at intimidation either,” she playfully poked at Anders.

“That’s just because I’ve been on that side of the table, Angel. And now I know where your daughter gets it from, she may have only been 11, but she was very scary,” Anders nodded to Darren in camaraderie.

Darren’s eyes darted between the two, Ari realized she’d have to let him off the hook before the poor boy passed out. 

She nodded to Anders, who spoke “Darren, you have our blessing. So breathe. We just want her to be happy. But you need to realize that while most of Thedas has moved on, there are still a few that will curse my name. If you are going to marry Eleanor, you need to realize having your reputation tied to me is part of the package.”

Darren visibly relaxed, letting out a long breath and dropping the anxiety from his shoulders. “Thank you, both. And Ser Anders, I hold no ill will towards you. My sister is a mage, and because of you she is home with our family instead of in a Circle Tower never to be seen again. It would be an honor to have you as family.”

Ari patted Darren’s hand. “Don’t fret too much about the Commander, dear. He will just be intimidating because he cares about Ele. Just show him that you love her and will take good care of her, and he’ll warm to you…  _ eventually _ .”

Darren nodded but clearly looked nervous again.

“Trust me Darren, it could have been much worse. If her father were alive I very much believe Zevran would have made you spar him and probably would have put you through the ringer for weeks before he’d possibly give you a nod instead of just making you sweat it out through one lunch.” Ari hoped the boy could get himself together or he’d never survive whatever questioning (or more likely interrogation) Cullen had in preparation for him.

*** 

Anders followed Ari through their room. They still had a few hours before they needed to get ready for the ball. “It seems awful quiet in here, Love” he said as he entered the bedroom.

“Well, Karl is with Hawke, Fenris and their boys, and Solona is spending the day having a tea party with Lily, Eve and Josephine.” She nodded. “And you know Eleanor’s busy with the meetings.”

“So, you mean we have a few hours all to ourselves,” Anders raised an eyebrow.

“We do,” she turned and locked their bedroom door. “Whatever shall we do?”

She barely finished her sentence before she felt Anders behind her pressing her closer to the door, “I have a few ideas,” he purred into her ear and began to kiss her neck. She tried to turn around but he kept her pinned there, one hand along the door, while his other was on her stomach, pulling her shirt out of the skirt. Ari leaned her head back against his shoulder to give him more access to her neck, which he greedily took advantage of. His hand, having pulled the shirt out, now ran up her torso and under her breast band and began to fondle her breast. While he palmed it, his thumb ran along the nipple causing it to pebble, and for Ari to moan his name.

“That is my most favorite sound,” Anders whispered in her hear, his voice dark with desire. “Second favorite it when you’re screaming out my name.”

He allowed her to turn around then and their lips met hungrily. Ari placed her arms around his neck as Anders’ tongue pushed into her mouth, tangling with hers. He placed his hands on her behind and pulled her up along the door, pressing in closer to her as her legs wrapped around him. He rolled his hips into hers causing her to moan loudly into his mouth.

Anders turned with her wrapped around him and walked to the bed. Placing her down on it he crawled over her. “I am going to take full advantage of this rare kidless afternoon and make you scream louder than you ever have,” he growled in her ear, as his hand snaked down her leggings. Ari arched as he touched her nub.

It was a promise he fully kept.

***

Ari held her hair up so that Anders could button up the back of her dress, but he kept stopping to give her kisses along her shoulders instead. Her dress was a deep blue strapless with silver trim. “Anders, you’re supposed to be helping me dress, not undress.”

“Mmm, but you are too exquisite not to touch,” he whispered into her neck, one arm around her waist pulling her back to him. “And I’m still tingling from before.”

As if sensing they were in danger of losing clothing again, Karl burst into the room and jumped on the bed. He made a face at his parents. They were always kissing, and it was gross. His friend Jake’s parents never kissed. In all the times he’d been to their home, he never saw them say more than a few words to each other. Then again, Jake’s dad never played with them the way his dad did. Still, less gross kissing would be nice.

“Stop that,” he rolled his eyes at them. 

Anders stuck his tongue out at Karl and finished buttoning up Ari’s dress. “Did you just come in here to yell at me for kissing your mother, or was there something more?” 

“Solona’s bothering me,” he whined.

“Well, you just have to put up with her a few more minutes, dear,” Ari told him softly. “She’s going to go stay the night with Lily, and you’ll have Malcolm and Carver here tonight with you to keep Marcus company.”

“Really?” Karl asked, clearly excited.

“Yes, now try not to torment your sister for just a few minutes while we finish getting ready for the ball.”

Karl nodded and made his way back out to the main room, excited for his friends to visit.

*** 

Anders stood along the wall watching as Ari danced with Dorian. Eleanor had danced exclusively with Darren all night save one dance with Anders earlier. Watching Ari now, he was enamored with her. The beauty and effortless grace she had took his breath away. He’d seen others eyeing her through the night, and it filled him with pride to know it was his arm she’d be leaving on.

A tall man with long black hair came up to stand next to him. “The Lady Cousland is most exquisite, is she not?”, he asked in what Anders recognized as a Starkhaven accent.

“Devine,” he nodded, taking a sip from his drink.

“Ah, my manners, Lord Grey Tamlen” the man nodded.

“Anders”

“Ah, then no wonder you admire her so,” the man smiled to him. “I knew her many years ago, of course she was Lady Arainai then, in Antiva. She was very happy...not to imply she is not now, of course.”

“Of course,” Anders nodded, starting to wish the man would move on. Over the years he’d had to  _ chat it up _ with numerous nobles. It had become the one thing he did  _ not _ enjoy about his marriage, the requirement of events with men and women like the one talking to him now.

“She was a jewel of Antiva there. Her husband and her daughter clearly filled her with joy. I’d often see her and her husband in the city. She was always wearing some new jewelry he had given her, and the way they looked at each other. I just hope someday to have a love like that.” Grey sighed. “Oh, excuse me, I see the Ambassador waving me over.”

Anders watched him leave, and looked down into his glass, the red wine suddenly losing its appeal. A little nugget that had been in the back of his brain pushed its way forward. He had successfully kept it tucked away for months, out of his thoughts, and now it was pushed to the front. He knew right when it had been birthed. Eight months prior, when he had been sitting in the bathing room in their home. He had looked at himself in the mirror while trying desperately to clean the blood, her blood, from his hands. Hearing her sob in the other room, worse than he had ever heard her cry before, even worse than when Wynne died. The sound broke his heart. He continued to clean his hands, the blood, her blood, staining them. He had looked at himself in the mirror that day and knew he wasn’t good enough for her. It was this thought that now made its way back to the front of his mind, and once there, it dug in with a steel grip, unwilling to leave. 


	3. Something's Off

Cullen bowed in front of Ari before taking her hand to lead her in the next dance. He was wearing a formal outfit that had been tailored in a way to show off his warrior build. It was black velvet with red trim. Looking at him, Ari wondered how many of the female nobles he’d been fighting off that night. His being married to the Inquisitor didn’t seem to deter many of them.

“He’s going to ask her tomorrow night, I believe.” She whispered to Cullen, indicating the blushing couple. “Anders and I have already given our blessing.  _ You _ are just out of courtesy, so try not to scare him off, will you?”

Cullen looked at Eleanor and Darren dancing, and then back to Ari. “You’re not the boss of me.” He replied teasingly.

“Yes, but I am very good friends with your boss, so I suggest you behave,” she laughed at him.

As the dance ended Ari gave Cullen a chaste kiss on the cheek and walked across the room to talk to Marian. Cullen took one of the small cakes he secretly loved off the dessert table and leaned on the wall next to where Anders was, still looking distractedly into his wine. “Your wife is very bossy,” he smirked to the mage.

Anders looked across the room to where she stood and nodded. “You sound like the King,” he gave Cullen a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I apologize, Cullen, I am not feeling quite myself. Please let her know I’ve left to turn in early.”

Cullen nodded watching him walk off and wondering what was up. Anders was a healer, one of the best Cullen had ever seen, so if he wasn’t feeling well, why couldn’t he just heal himself, he wondered.

Ari entered their suite a few hours later. She would have loved to have left when Cullen told her Anders was feeling ill, but her title of Teyrna made it such that her leaving early would have been seen as a slight against the Orlesian dignitaries. She couldn’t help the smile that befell her when she saw the tent made of sheets and chairs in the center of the main room. Inside she could see three little boys asleep and the legs of Marcus sticking out on one side. She quietly moved into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She could see Anders’ under the covers. His back was turned to the door and he appeared to be asleep. 

“Anders” she whispered. When he didn’t stir she called his name a hair louder and still heard nothing.

“Oh screw it,” she muttered and pulled out a dagger ripping a tear in the dress to remove it. She quietly dressed for bed and climbed in next to him. Ari kissed his shoulder as she crawled in behind him. She had the feeling he was only pretending to sleep but decided not to press it for now, and let herself fall asleep.

***

Karl entered his parents’ room the next morning and pounced on the bed. He was finding that Skyhold was turning out to be way better than he had thought. Not only were Malcolm and Carver around to play with, but now Uncle Cullen wanted his help on an important mission. Hopefully his mother would let him go.

“Ma,” he tugged at her arm anxiously. Ari rubbed her eyes, having just been awoken. “I’m awake, what is it, dear.”

“Uncle Cullen’s here with Solona. He said I could go do something with him, can I? It’s very important ” Karl asked, clearly excited.

“Of course,” she nodded, and then looked over to the empty side of the bed. “Do you know where Dad is?”

Karl remembered Anders waking him up early to say good morning, even embarrassing him a little when Anders had kissed his head in front of his friends, even if they were still sleeping. “Dad got up early, said he was going to the infir...infir...”

“Infirmary?” she asked. He nodded in reply. “Ok, go have fun, but don’t be too much of a pest to your uncle, ok?”

“Thanks Ma!” he hugged her and took off to leave with Cullen. He knew Uncle Cullen was an important leader in the Inquisition, so if he needed Karl’s help it was a big deal!

*** 

Ari entered the main room dressed for the day. She was concerned about Anders. Cullen had said he didn’t feel well the night before, and now Karl had said he went to the infirmary. He rarely even caught colds, and any time he’d been ill, he’d always managed to heal himself. Seeing her mother enter the living space, Solona ran over to her with her hands held in the air.

“Marcus, why don’t you take the day off since you were up late with the boys,” she smiled at him while picking up Solona.

“Thanks, I think I will do just that,” he nodded with a smile and took his leave from the suite.

“Come on sweetness, let’s go see daddy,” she said which Solona squealed at.

Ari walked into the infirmary, looking around the cots for him. It was much nicer than last time they had been here, during the war. Then it had been little more than a series of tents. Now the infirmary was an actual building. This time it was also filled with less soldiers, and more ‘regular’ people needing help. 

She let out a surprised start when someone lightly smacked her behind. Turning around to see who she was going to hit, she smiled finding it to be Anders. 

“What do I owe the visit from two of my favorite girls?” he asked taking Solona from her arms as the girl was reaching for him. He nuzzled his nose into his daughter’s neck eliciting a giggle from her.

“Well, we were worried about you. Cullen said you weren’t feeling well, and then Karl said you came down here.”

He kissed her cheek, “Sorry love. I’m fine,” he looked down, a clear sign to her he was not being honest, “Just came here to offer some help.”

“Anders, did something happen last night?” she put her hand on his arm.

“No, it’s…I’m fine. Just… lots to do here. I’ll meet you for lunch, ok?” he said quickly, handing Solona back to her.

Ari nodded, not wanting to start something in front of their daughter, but sensing something was very wrong. She placed a kiss on his cheek. “We are talking later,” she whispered in his ear as she did. She then spoke in a brighter tone to Solona,“Say goodbye to Daddy”

“Bye Daddy!” Solona waved to him as they walked off.

*** 

Karl walked next to Cullen through the courtyard on the way to the Commander’s tower with his head held high. Everyone could see he was walking with the Commander of the Inquisition, and he was going to help the Commander. He was carrying a wooden sword Cullen had given him. As they passed soldiers saluting his Uncle, he would also salute. Soon the soldiers were saluting him too. Skyhold was way better than Denerim, Karl decided at that moment.

When they got to the tower, Cullen pulled one chair to the front of his desk, and he pulled his own chair over to the side. “Here, this one’s for you.” Cullen motioned to his own chair.

Karl climbed into the chair. He was sitting in the  _ Commander’s _ chair! Malcolm and Carver were going to be so jealous. The boy grinned ear to ear. 

“So, Karl,” Cullen said, using his Commander voice. “I need your help today as I said. Do you want to know with what?”

Karl nodded just as there was a knock on the door. “Ah, our appointment is here,” Cullen smiled at Karl as he opened the door.

Karl watched as a young man with brown hair entered looking very nervous. He should be, he’s in the Commander’s office, and the Commander is very important, Karl thought. The man sat in the other empty chair, and Cullen stood in front of him, leaning back along his desk looking him over.

“So, Karl, this here is Darren.” Cullen lifted his hand to indicate the young man as he looked to Karl who nodded excitedly. “He is here because he wants to marry your sister, Eleanor.”

Karl scrunched up his nose and looked to the man, Darren, and then back to his Uncle. Then back at Darren, “You know she’s a girl, right?”

Cullen put his hand to his mouth quickly and looked to the side to keep from laughing, realizing the scare tactic was lost. Darren looked to the Commander and then to the boy and then back to the Commander. “Ser?” he asked Cullen.

The Commander let out a sigh, and visibly relaxed some. “So much for intimidating you.” He nodded to the young man. “Meet your future brother-in-law, Karl.”

Darren nodded to the boy, “Nice to meet you, Karl.”

“So, Karl and I want to make sure you’re going to take good care of his sister,” Cullen explained, nodding to Karl who sat up straight and gave Darren his best serious look – which being seven wasn’t really all that scary.

Karl looked over the young man, “My dad can set you on fire.”

Cullen smirked again, “Yes, good point Karl.” He shrugged at the man, who started to relax some, possibly realizing he wasn’t going to die today after all.

“I can assure you, Commander, I love Eleanor very much. My interest in her from my parents may be her title, but it means little to me. She is unlike any other lady I know, she’s brave, and funny and fierce. She is strong, and she loves with her whole heart, and I am just amazed that she even thinks I’m worthy of her.” He blushed.

Cullen tried to keep a serious look, but he couldn’t help but warm to the man. He was describing exactly how he felt about Evelyn, and he knew at an instant Darren would be good enough for her.

*** 

Anders entered their suite and could hear Ari talking to Marcus, her voice laced with concern. She turned to face Anders when she saw him enter.

“Someone was here while we were gone. I can’t find anything missing, but things have been moved around. I’m sure of it.” She said with a worried expression on her face.

Anders stood beside her and ran a hand along her back. “We’ll have Cullen look into it, it was probably nothing more than a cat that got in I’m sure.”


	4. Bathing

Ari was sitting on the floor of the central room still in her sleep gown and a robe the next morning. She was playing with Karl and Solona when there was a frantic knocking at the door. Marcus opened it carefully to see who was on the other side, and then wider to let Eleanor in. 

She immediately grabbed the large man into a hug and kissed his cheek causing him to laugh at her excitement. “Beautiful morning, isn’t it, Marcus?” 

He chuckled, “You seem in a good mood today, Lady Eleanor.”

“Enor”, Solona plodded on little legs to her sister. Eleanor picked her up and spun her around.

“Hi, beautiful little girl.” Eleanor said covering the giggling girl in kisses.

Karl decided to hide behind his mother, who had stood up, rather than risk getting a kiss too.

“Mamá” Eleanor squealed and then held out her left hand. “Mamá, Darren asked me to be his wife. I’m so happy.”

Ari hugged her and laughed, “I could tell. And congratulations, Princesa, he seems like a wonderful young man. We are very happy for you. Even your brother,” she nudged the boy behind her who nodded, still keeping a safe distance.

“Where’s Dad?” Eleanor asked looking around for him.

“He’s soaking in the bath. He forgot he’s not as young as he used to be, and spent the whole of yesterday healing.” Ari smiled, “I’ll tell him the good news.”

“I was hoping maybe I could take Karl and Solona to have an early lunch with Darren, give them all a chance to meet. You too, Marcus,” she nodded to her former nanny.

“Oh, a whole few hours without children, whatever will I do?” Ari feigned upset.

Eleanor laughed, and gathered up the children to go off for lunch.

*** 

Ari entered the bathing room, and closed the door behind her. She took off her robe, setting it on a hook near the door. Smiling, she looked at the wonderful view in the tub. Anders was nearly submerged, his head leaning back, his arms along the side of the tub. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was just relaxing.

“So, I take it from all the excited noise out there we have a wedding to plan,” he smiled, his eyes still closed.

“That we do, and apparently Karl told Darren you’d set him on fire if he wasn’t nice to Eleanor.” She chuckled while taking a stool to the end of the tub where his head was and sitting down on it.

“Who said I wouldn’t,” he grinned again, his eyes still closed. When he was like this he almost looked younger to her, all the stress gone from his face.

Ari gathered up a cup and dipped it in the tub to catch some of the warm water. She slowly poured it over his hair to wet it and then grabbed the soap and began to lather. Until they had married, he’d never once had someone do something just for him, never been pampered. He’d been pulled from his family at 12 and sent to the Circle. When he finally got away for good, it was into the Wardens, and then Kirkwall. While Hawke had tried to help him out and even invited him to use her manor as a safe retreat, he’d never really enjoyed the finer things in life. Washing his hair had become Ari’s way of pampering Anders just a little. It was not necessary to do, but something she found relaxed him, and let her show him some affection.

Her fingers slowly massaged his scalp running through his hair. It wasn’t as long as it had been years ago, he’d started wearing it shorter the first time a six month old Karl had snatched a bunch of it in his tiny fingers and tugged, nearly causing tears in Anders because of how it had hurt. It was, however still long enough that Ari could run her fingers through it. She lovingly lathered up his hair, and rubbed down to his neck, relieving any tension. She grinned when she heard him sigh because of her attention. She picked up the cup again rinsing off the soap and then leaned over to kiss his forehead.

Anders reached back and took one of her hands in his and kissed the back of it gently. “Thank you, love.” 

Ari moved off the bench and sat beside him, still holding his hand. Her other she used the back of to gently rub his cheek and jaw. “Anders,” she whispered.

He opened his eyes for the first time since she had entered the room and looked at her. She could see the sadness behind them very clearly. “My love, I’ve known you too long to hide from me when something’s wrong. Is it being back here?” she asked.

He kissed her hand again and sat up so that he was now cupping her cheek. Ari leaned her head against his touch. “No, Skyhold is where I finally was able to tell you how much I love you, Sweetheart. This place will always be special to me. I’ll be ok, Angel, just…” he stopped speaking and just looked at her, running his thumb along her cheek. He leaned his head to her and kissed her softly on the lips. “Where are the children?” he asked.

“Eleanor took them and Marcus out for lunch,” she smiled at him, her eyes growing dark.

“Go lock the door, Love,” his voice deepened, sending a shiver through her of need for him.

Ari nodded and walked to the door, her legs shaking. Even after so many years together, he knew just how to make her tremble with a look or tone. She locked the door and turned around starting to walk back to the tub. 

He held his hand up to stop her. “Take off your night dress, we don’t want to ruin it” Ari felt a flutter in her abdomen at his sudden control. He didn’t often act this way, but when he did, she always found it sexy. Ari started undoing the buttons. “Slower.” He said in a low grumble, causing her to feel herself start to get wet.

She slowly unbuttoned the dress, moving purposefully from one button to the next, each time exposing just a little more skin. He remained sitting in the tub, leaning on the side watching her with a look of pure lust on his face. Ari felt like she could melt right there. When she reached the last button after what felt like hours, but was probably just a few minutes, she let the gown fall to the ground. She stood before him completely naked except for her smalls. 

“Those too,” he gave her a sly grin. Ari slowly undid the ties on one side and then the other, letting them fall to the ground. She heard Anders let out an appreciative groan, and blushed.

He stood from the tub, water dripping down his chest and abs. Ari let out a small moan at the sight of him, all muscle and her attention was particularly at part of him that was erect and pressing against his stomach. She still found him incredibly sexy, and the fact that he was all hers had her tongue come out to lick her bottom lip. He stepped out of the tub onto the large rug that lay there, and held a hand out to her. Ari walked over slowly, partially to torture him a little more, and partially because her legs felt so weak she wasn’t sure if she could walk any faster.

Once she stood before him, Anders took her hand in his and lightly kissed the palm, making his way down to her wrist. He then released her hand and cupped her jaw, pulling her up for a kiss. “Do you know just how much I love you?” He asked her, “How much I need you in order to breathe?” Anders kissed her on the lips and began tracking soft kisses along her jawline to her throat.

At the same time, Ari’s hands mapped out his strong chest, pinching at his nipples, feeling them harden under her touch. She continued moving them down to his abs, and began tracing them with her fingertips, hearing a moan leave his lips. Ari moved her mouth to his chest and began to lick up the water still slowly dripping down him from the tub. Her tongue twirled and lapped at the drops of water that covered his chest. She began to lower herself, performing the same attention to his abs. Kissing, licking, while her hands continued to move further down. Anders hissed above her in anticipation, his hands running through her hair. She nibbled on his abdomen, teeth gently scraping on his muscles, causing him to moan deeply.

Once on her knees, Ari made a point with her tongue and slowly, torturously ran it up his shaft. Anders moaned her name above her, causing her to feel that tremor in her belly again. Ari moved her hand to rub along his ass while she kissed the head before taking him in fully.

“Oh, Maker!” Anders cried out, feeling her mouth surround him. She began moving her head up and down his length. Her tongue moved along with her lips, pulling delicious moans from Anders. One hand continued to grab his ass, while the other came in front to cup his balls. “Oh, ARIANNA” he screamed, his hand tightening in her hair as she did.

Ari continued her assault on him, moving slowly and then speeding up, and then slow again. Finally Anders couldn’t take it anymore and pulled her from him with a pop. “Not yet, Love, I want to be inside you when I finish,” he purred to her. 

He knelt down beside her and kissed her again, his tongue battling with hers while his hands began to cup her breasts. Anders ran his thumbs along her nipples feeling them pebble. He bent his head down and took one in his mouth, smiling when he heard Ari moan, her hands running through his hair, as if to hold him there. His tongue ran around the nipple, sucking it to a peak, causing her to moan his name. With one hand, he continued to rub the neglected breast while his other slowly slid its way down her abdomen and through her curls. Anders moaned when he felt how wet she already was. 

He released the breast from his mouth and moved near her ear, whispering in a seductive tone that nearly had her come undone just then. “So wet for me, my Angel. Are you thinking of all the things I can do to you,” his fingers rolled along her nub, “of all the things I  _ want _ to do to you?” rolling again, “Of all the ways I’m going to make you cry out?” a finger pushed into her, “Of all the ways I will make you come?” he began to pump his finger into her, as her hands flew to his shoulders for support so she wouldn’t fall over. “Of how many times I will make you come before I take you?”

“Maker Anders, please…” she moaned as a second finger joined the first, and his thumb continued to rub her clit.

He pulled his hand from her and heard her whine at the loss, “Lie back for me, Sweetheart,” he said looking at her with lust filled eyes, “I want to taste you.”

Ari laid on her back and Anders moved on top of her, kissing her lips again while he bucked his hips against her. She grabbed his hair, “I want you, please,” she moaned.

Anders chuckled. It was a sound she knew meant he knew exactly what he was doing to her, and he loved it. After eight years together, he knew exactly where to touch, lick or bite to put her into a blinding frenzy. 

“Patience, Love,” he said kissing her nose and then moving down to her abdomen. He kissed her slowly, paying special attention to the marks she had from childbirth. While she may have been ashamed of them, he loved them especially. They demonstrated to him how much she loved him, that she would carry his children.

He moved lower, until his mouth was over her. He let out a breath and she cried out, “Anders, ple….” Before she could finish he darted out with his tongue and ran it along her slit. “Ohhhhh,” Ari moaned.

Anders laid down on the rug and put her knees over his shoulders. With one arm he reached around to hold her hips in place. He began fucking her with his tongue while his nose rubbed her nub. 

Ari gripped at the rug with both hands and no longer was able to speak anything more than “Maker,” and “Anders”. Anders could feel his cock tighten every time she screamed out his name.

He moved his mouth to cover her clit and began an assault on it, licking and sucking. He felt her try to lift her hips up, and felt a quiver that let him know she was about to fall over. He moved his tongue back down to her hole and continued to move it in and out as she came around him, screaming his name and nothing else at the top of her lungs. He felt pride at that moment. He wanted all of Skyhold to know he was the one to do this to the Hero.

Ari barely caught her breath when he began licking at her again. This time he pushed into her with two fingers while his mouth latched onto her clit, the digits pumping in and out. Ari felt that familiar fluttering in her abdomen again. It slowly began to ebb and flow like a tide. Slowly it built up and tugged at her. She tried to chase it, but it seemed just out of her reach, but the feeling of his tongue on her, his fingers pumping in and out, she could feel the crescendo build. Her hip bucked and he let just a small amount of electricity flow through the fingers that were inside her. She immediately came, slamming her hands down along the rug, her back arching from the ground.

“Holy Maker, Anders.” She cried out. After years of quickies, and rushed dalliances, he was certainly making up for it. She hadn’t even had time to recover from the first before he had pulled this second orgasm out of her. She made a mental note later to say an extra prayer in the Chantry to thank the Maker for sending him her way.

Anders slowly crawled his way back up her body, kissing, licking and nibbling as he worked his way up. He touched foreheads looking deep into her eyes, and then closed his eyes and kissed her softly. As he kissed her he pushed into her, to the hilt in one move. 

Ari moaned into his mouth, her legs wrapping around his hips to pull him even deeper. Ari moved her hands to his shoulders and dug in with her fingers as Anders began to slowly move in and out of her. She felt so full from him, and so overstimulated that she wasn’t sure how much more she’d last again. As if sensing this, Anders began to move quicker, in and out, slamming into her each time he moved back in. 

He kissed her cheek, her jaw and her neck, all while muttering, “Beautiful”, “Mine”, “Perfection”. Anders knelt up so that he was upright on his knees, pulling her legs along him, her ass in the air while he continued to pump into her. He could feel her start to tighten around him, and he pumped quicker. “Come for me, Sweetheart,” he purred to her. 

She obeyed, falling off the edge for the third time, he followed right behind. He pushed into her hard three times before he felt stars explode behind his eyes as his seed filled her. Anders put her legs down, and pulled out slowly, coming to lay down beside her and pulling her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

“I love you,” she said to him from where her laid on his chest.

“Sweetheart, I love you. It would kill me to ever lose you,” he whispered, trying to keep the tears from his eyes.

“Then it’s a good thing I don’t plan on going anywhere,” she smiled, kissing his chest and tightening her grip on him as they let themselves catch their breaths on the rug.


	5. The Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now return you to your regularly scheduled fan fic....

Ari was crying, wailing actually. A mournful sound that shattered his already broken heart. Anders stood by the bathing room sink, his hands soaking in the water, turning it an awful shade of crimson. She would never say it, but he knew he was to blame. If he’d been a better man, paid more attention, if he had just picked up on the signs, then maybe  _ maybe  _ he would not be sitting here now, watching her blood stain the sink.

Anders woke with a start and looked around. Except for some moonlight through the window, it was dark, which meant it was still pretty late at night. He looked to his side. Ari was asleep, peaceful, not crying. Curled around her was Solona, who had crawled into their bed at some point during the night. He tried slowing his breathing, watching his two beauties sleeping. 

Anders recalled Zevran use to call Ari a queen. It was something he could agree on, watching her now. He laid back down, his hand covering his eyes. She deserved a kingdom, the finer things in life, pampering and luxury. All things he could never hope to provide her as a healer, one who helped the poor without asking for payment, no less. For some reason that was beyond him, she chose him anyway. He had no doubt that she loved him, and he knew that he loved her so much that sometimes it felt like his heart would burst. But it was times like this, when left alone with his thoughts, that he couldn’t help but feel she deserved more. He removed his hand from his eyes when he felt the bed move. Opening his eyes he saw Solona sleepily crawl over Ari to him. She kissed his cheek and snuggled into his arm.

“Love daddy,” she said yawning.

“Love you too, little one,” he said kissing her head. He kept his head there, breathing in the scent of youth and let his worries fall back away as he fell to sleep with his daughter tucked into his side.

*** 

Ari looked around the war table. She had been surprised when a messenger came to their room with a note requesting her presence. At first she thought it might be planning a surprise for Eleanor, but the signature said ‘Inquisitor Rutherford’, not ‘Evelyn’, so she determined it must be related to Inquisition business.

They appeared to be waiting for someone else from what she could tell as everyone was just standing around. Josephine was scratching some notes on her pad. She looked up from whatever she was writing as if just noticing Ari. “Congratulations, on the engagement of your daughter, Lady Cousland,” the Ambassador smiled at her.

“Thank you, Josephine. We are all very happy.” She nodded.

Ari continued to look around. Cullen and Evelyn were in a whispered discussion. Vivienne stood where Liliana had been the last time Ari was in this room. While she was happy for her friend becoming the Divine, she missed her dearly. Being Divine left little time for braiding hair and late night talks.

“Any luck finding the intruder?” she asked Cullen.

He shook his head. “Afraid not. Have you found anything to be missing yet?”

“Possibly a shirt, but I don’t know for certain. It could just as easily be sitting on my bed in Denerim. But all my jewelry and other belongings appear to be there. Maybe Anders is right and it was just a cat,” she shrugged.

She turned when she heard the door open and was surprised to see Fenris enter. He nodded to her and Cullen, then just gave a cold look to the others. He considered Ari and Cullen to be friends, and trusted them. Trust was not something Fenris gave easily. Even though he had been free many years, the distrust and paranoia from his days as a slave stuck with him. He did not know the rest of these people around him, and therefore they were considered suspect as far as he was concerned. Once Fenris was standing beside Ari, everyone straightened, signaling the start of the meeting.

“Hero, Messere Fenris. I thank you both for joining us today,” the Inquisitor nodded.

“Certainly, Inquisitor. But what is it we’re here for?” Ari asked, seeing some of the same confusion reflected in Fenris’ eyes.

“We have word of an issue in the Emerald Graves which we could use both your help with,” Vivienne explained. “Word has come from our scouts that slavers have been spotted searching for the Dalish nearby.”

“Tevinters,” Fenris snarled.

“Most likely,” Vivienne nodded, “as they are the only country still keeping slaves. We thought this might be of particular interest to you, Messere Fenris.”

Fenris nodded.

“It makes sense that you’d want Fenris, but why am I here?” Ari asked, looking around the room.

“Fenris, this is an Inquisition matter, so you’d be accompanying us.” The Inquisitor spoke.

“I don’t know you, I will not,” he glared at them.

“Fenris,” Ari spoke just to him, “what if I joined too, would that help?”

Fenris watched Ari, as if trying to judge her sincerity. He nodded.

“I thank you both. We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” the Inquisitor nodded.

*** 

Karl sat on a table on the side of the infirmary and watched as his father helped a young boy not much older than himself. He liked it whenever his Dad let him hang around while he healed people. He’d sometimes let Karl help out with sorting potions or cleaning up in the Denerim clinic. Right now his Dad was fixing a broken arm and talking softly to the crying boy. It was a tone Karl had heard his used with him before whenever he’d had a bad dream or fallen down. It was a voice that let him know everything would be ok because his Dad would make it ok.

Karl watched as the magic from his Dad’s hands swirled around the boy, fixing his arm, repairing the break. He was fascinated watching what he could do. His Dad had told him that in another year he’d start teaching him how to cast spells and control his magic. Right now Karl couldn’t do much more than a few sparks from his fingers, but his Dad told him he’d soon learn how to do spells like he could. Karl liked that he could do magic like his Dad. Eleanor couldn’t do magic, and so far neither could Solona. This made him special, and it made him like his Dad, which he really liked.

While his Dad looked over the boy’s arm to ensure it was healed, he turned his head to Karl and winked. Karl presented him with a large grin back. Yup, his Dad was by far the best of everyone else’s Dads because of how he helped people. He thought Uncle Cullen was pretty neat, and it was great how he had all those men that followed him. Uncle Alistair was also great, he led a whole country and had a huge castle to live in, but he still wasn’t quite as great as his Dad.

“I hope it’s not too boring for you here,” Anders smiled at Karl as he sat by the table.

Karl shook his head. “I like watching you heal, Dad. It’s pretty amazing. None of my other friends’ dads can do anything nearly as great as that.”

Anders smiled at him, feeling touched by his son’s words. He was grateful Karl was growing up in a world where magic was no longer a feared thing. The Circles were gone, replaced by schools where mages could learn while still being able to live with their own families. He would never have to hide his son for fear of being taken away by Templars. “So, how was lunch yesterday with Eleanor?” 

“Oh, Darren’s great. Did you know that he has a little sister just like I do? He said his sister also is always trying to take his stuff just like Solona. And he has horses just like Uncle Alistair. He said if we come visit I could ride.” Karl was clearly excited as his face lit up while telling his story. “And he gave me this, because of you and Ma.” He held out a necklace with a charm. The charm had the seal of the Grey Wardens on it.

“Wow, that’s very nice,” Anders nodded, “So, we approve of him then?”

“Yeah,” Karl nodded as Anders tousled the boy’s hair and chuckled.

*** 

The party gathered by the gates. Hawke and Fenris were to the side mumbling quietly to each other. Ari stood by her horse with Anders before her. He held both her hands while looking at her.

“Return safely to us,” he smiled at her.

She tugged on his hands, pulling him closer and rested against his chest when his arms wrapped around her. “I promise. But when I get back, you need to stop distracting me and tell me what’s going on in your head, ok?”

Anders kissed her head. “Anything, just come back safe.”

They held each other in that embrace, her leaning on him, him resting his head on her until the Inquisitor signaled that it was time to go. 

Anders helped her mount her horse and watched her leave until he couldn’t make out her retreating form any longer.


	6. The Elves

Ari sat along a flattened rock looking over the small, lazy river running through the valley. They had stopped to allow the horses to rest, having ridden for most of the day without stopping. They were about two days into the Emerald Graves at this point, about a week from Skyhold. The Inquisitor had told them to take a quick rest, and then they would continue on another few hours, setting up camp nearer to dusk. She watched the horses standing along the water, drinking and grazing on the grass. It harkened her back to days in her youth when she and Fergus would do nothing but ride for hours in Highever. She heard someone approach and looked up to see Fenris. Ari moved over on the rock to make room for him and he sat next to her.

“It’s peaceful here. Quiet,” Fenris said after a few minutes.

“Aye.” She nodded. “Something parents of young boys rarely get to enjoy.”

Fenris chuckled beside her. Most people thought he didn’t haven’t any sense of humor. Those that were lucky enough to be considered a friend to Fenris knew that he in fact had a very wicked sense of humor, just one he rarely shared.

“Perhaps we should just hide out here then,” he smiled to her. Fenris then looked out across the fields, quietly contemplating something. “I thank you for coming, my friend.”

“I’m happy to do it, Fenris. If I can keep just one elf from falling to the same fate as you had, then it’s worth it.” Ari gave him a warm look. Not one of pity, as she knew he hated being pitied, but more of friendship, and solidarity.

Fenris said nothing, but his hand came to rest upon hers and squeezed. Fenris was free with his affections and touch with Hawke, and with their boys, but rarely with anyone else beyond that. Even then, it had taken him years. Hawke was the first person to have shown him that touch could be something joyful, a way to connect. Prior to her, it had only ever been about pain and control. It wasn’t until the birth of his sons that he forced himself to become more comfortable with touching another. When they were born, Fenris changed. It was important to him that his sons grow up knowing safety and love, and not being afraid of touch. It was more important to him that his sons knew their father loved them then it was for him to not feel uncomfortable. This simple act of touch, of him squeezing her hand, was one she knew was a big deal to him, and was his way of showing his gratitude for her loyalty.

“Boss says we should head out”, Bull called out to them.

Fenris stood, and held his hand out to help Ari out. “Let’s go kick some slaver ass,” 

She nodded to him as they walked towards the horse.

*** 

They settled around the fire, enjoying the ram that Bull had caught earlier. They ate in quiet companionship. Even though he was not as familiar with the Inquisitor, Bull or Cassandra, because Ari was there Fenris was even able to relax -or what constituted relaxed for Fenris. 

It had taken a long time to consider anyone besides Hawke and Sebastian as a real friend. The birth of Malcolm and Carver had been the changing point of that. As a slave, he had never thought he’d have his own family. Perhaps he’d sire children if the master desired, but he’d never raise them, never be a father. When he sat on the chair, and Ari and Bethany, who had helped deliver them, had placed those two small boys in his arms, it was like a thunderbolt had hit him. He never even knew this was something he had wanted until he had sat there, with two sets of eyes looking up at him. These were a combination of him and Hawke, and of their love. He had decided right there and then, looking at his newborn sons that he wanted to be a better man for them. He wanted to be the best father he could be for them. It was at that moment that he completely stopped looking at himself as a former slave, and started looking at himself as a father. Everything from that moment on had been more about forming a better world for his children and less about revenge for himself. He was still wary of touch, and still wary of people he did not know well, but those he had let in, had become like family to him. He was even surprised that Anders was even now considered family. As their children became friends and he and Hawke saw Anders and Ari more and more, as he saw that Anders was with his own children as Fenris was with his boys, he slowly found respect for the man. The two would probably never be best friends, but they could sit down to a meal together without any harsh words being spoken.

Evelyn was looking over a map of the area. “Our scouts said the Dalish should be somewhere in this area”, she pointed to an area about a half day’s ride away. “Hopefully we’ll find them before it’s too late.”

“I don’t think that will be too difficult,” Ari said.

“Ever the optimist?” Evelyn asked.

“Nope,” she shook her head looking to the surrounding trees. “They’ve been following us the last two days.”

“And you didn’t think telling us that would be important?” Bull asked, raising an eyebrow.

“They’ll make themselves known when they’re ready for us to see them,” Ari shrugged. “Besides, you’re a lousy spy if you didn’t detect them,” she teased. Bull snorted in response, but his smile gave away his amusement.

“So what, we just wander until they appear?” Evelyn asked, sounding more curious than annoyed.

“I say we keep to our plan. If they had meant us harm, they would have already attacked.” Ari explained. “I’ve had dealings with them before. When they’re ready for us to find them, we will.”

“So, you’re saying they just heard you say that we know they’re watching us, but they still won’t show themselves?” Evelyn chuckled.

Ari shrugged with a smirk while continuing to eat her food.

As she fell asleep in her tent that night, her thoughts were of how much she was missing the feel of Anders’ arms around her and how lonely her bedroll felt without him beside her.

*** 

As she had predicted, it was another day before the Dalish showed themselves. She didn’t mind however, finding the landscape more beautiful than anything she had encountered in her three years travelling through Thedas looking for the cure.

They were slowly walking their horses through a wooded area when the group found themselves surrounded by Elven archers. “The Keeper wishes to see you, shems” one tall elf, with black hair said, eyeing the group with suspicion.

They dismounted their horses and left them with one of the Inquisition scouts while The Inquisitor, Ari, Fenris, Cassandra and Bull followed the elves. They led them through the forest for a good fifteen minutes.

“I do not like this, feels like a trap”, Cassandra growled.

Ari shook her head, “If they wanted us dead, they would have attacked without us seeing them.”

The elves pulled back a few bushes and they could see now intermixed within the trees was the elves encampment. As she passed the dark haired elf, Ari nodded, “Thank you, friend.”

The elf’s showed a grin that did not reach her eyes, and spoke in a kind voice, “Fenedhis lasa”

Ari raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “I think she’s warming to us,” the Inquisitor said brightly.

“Not really,” Ari whispered in reply without explanation.

They approached the Keeper, all nodding respect. “Aneth ara” Ari said to the woman.

“An'daran Atish'an, Lady Cousland,” the Keeper replied.

“You know who I am?” Ari said, surprised.

The keeper then smiled to her, a warm smile, “I do. Many years ago, when I was a younger woman you helped my clan during the blight. I have not forgotten that kindness, even if others have.”

“Keeper, our scouts have found slavers in the area looking for your clan. We have come to offer our blades and support to aid you against them.” Evelyn spoke in a respectful tone, mindful of making it clear they were not trying to imply the Elves needed their help, but that they wished to help them.

The message apparently did not reach them all as the dark haired elf spoke, “We do not need your help, shem!”

“Briani”, the Keeper warned.

The elf, Briani, walked by the group away from the keeper, muttering “Len'alas lath'din” to Fenris as she passed.

“My apologies for her,” the Keeper nodded. “We welcome your aid Inquisitor.”

“Nuvas ema ir'enastela, Keeper”, Ari nodded as she left.

One the way out, Briani couldn’t seem to resist getting one more swipe in, “Bellanaris Din'an Heem” she spit out to the group.

Ari stopped, turned around, and walked up to Briani so that she was close enough that no one else could hear. “An'eolasa ma” she whispered to the elf, smiling when Briani blanched. Ari then turned back away to join her companions waiting for her.

*** 

Nearly two weeks later they were returning to Skyhold victorious. The slavers had been killed and the Inquisition had left behind a few soldiers to help in the case of others returning. They had been gone just over three weeks, and Ari was anxious to see her family again. Fenris was also starting to fidget in his seat, something he rarely did. Ari guessed he was just as anxious to see his family as well.

As they dismounted in the stables, pulling together their gear, both were looking around for the familiar faces of those they loved. 

A messenger approached them. “Lady Inquisitor, Lady Cousland, Messere Fenris, your presence is requested in the War Room immediately.”

The three looked at each other with concern. Ari and Fenris followed Evelyn to the War Room.

Upon entering they found not only the Ambassador, Spy Master and Commander there, but Hawke as well. Evelyn walked quickly to her husband’s side and leaned up to kiss him. He smiled at her, but she could tell from his face he was dismayed. Fenris, not one for public displays still, instead stood next to Hawke, but gave her a smile that made her blush just the same. Ari couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that her reunion with Anders was delayed by this meeting.

“Alright, we’re here, straight from the road, without even a bath,” Evelyn crinkled her nose. “What urgent matter needs our attention?”

Cullen’s eyes fell upon Ari, and she suddenly felt weak seeing the sadness there. Something had happened while she was gone, something to her family she was sure. Just as quick he straightened, and in his Commander’s voice.

“Hero, there’s not and easy… while you have been… Maker’s breath,” he lost his Commander’s voice. Looking into the eyes of his oldest and dearest friend, knowing what he had to tell her, it was all but impossible to maintain professionalism.

The Ambassador gave him a look of understanding then spoke. “Hero, it’s your husband. It appears he’s gone. No one in Skyhold has seen him for at least three days. And we found this.”

She handed Ari a small note which she read, and then looked up to Cullen again.

_ Ari – _

_ It was wrong to think a Noble woman like yourself belongs with someone like me. Do not look for me, you will not find me. _

_ -Anders _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look see the text there -- it promises a happy ending, right?
> 
> Elvhen taken from here: http://lingojam.com/ElvenDAI
> 
> Transations:  
> Fenedhis lasa = Go suck a wolf's dick  
> Aneth ara = greeting  
> An'daran Atish'an = My home is your home You will not come to harm while you are here  
> len'alas lath'din = dirty child no one loves  
> Nuvas ema ir'enastela = Thank you May you have great blessings  
> Bellanaris Din'an Heem = Make you dead  
> An'eolasa ma = I understand you


	7. Incompetent

Ari looked around the room watching everyone watch her. She handed the note to Fenris, who let out what she assumed was a curse in Tevene.

“It’s not true, you know that, right?” she asked, looking at Cullen more than anyone else.

“My Dear, I know it may be hard to believe that he could leave but…”

Ari cut Vivienne off before she could finish, “For starters, don’t you dare to presume you know more about my husband than I do. I’ve known the man nearly twenty years. But, I have no delusions that he could never leave me. That’s not what I mean.” She glared at the Spymaster until the other woman looked away, uncomfortable. 

Ari then continued. “I can give you three reasons right off my head why I know this letter,” she grabbed it back from where Fenris hand tossed it on the table and shook it, “is a fake. And if you were half the Spymaster Lili was you’d already know that too.” She glared at Vivienne again. As Spymaster it was her job to know everything about everyone that came across the threshold of Skyhold. That she could so seriously misjudge Anders angered Ari. She doubted the woman even bothered looking into other possibilities and instead just assumed Anders would run out on his family. From the looks of her, Vivienne seemed to care more about her wardrobe and image than keeping the Inquisition secure.

Cullen ran his hand down his face to pull himself back together. When he looked at his friend, it was with concern and love in his eyes. “Ari?”

She nodded to him. Her voice was curt, trying hard to hold back the bile in her throat from the anger she was feeling. “First, yes, Anders might have run from me under some misconceived belief that he was doing what was right for me but he would never leave the children. What I tell you now never leaves here, understood?” When they all nodded, she continued. She knew what she was about to tell them was something Anders had never told anyone else before, but she hoped he’d forgive her as it was a means to finding him. 

“Anders’ father was a cruel man. He was horrible to him before Anders had even ever shown a hint of magic. He would beat him, ridicule him, and make it known he was unwanted. When Anders accidently set the barn on fire in a fit of anger, his father couldn’t turn him over to the Templars fast enough.” She heard Evelyn, Hawke and the Ambassador audibly gasp. Even Cullen seemed surprised. It had been extremely rare for a parent to turn their own child over to the Templars. Usually it was someone in town, or a slip of the tongue from a younger sibling that would out a mage. Parents usually went out of their way to protect their children. Hawke’s childhood had been spent moving around constantly to keep the Templars away from her sister and father. That Anders own father could do that to him seemed exceptionally cruel.

“That is why he took my name when we married, he wanted nothing to do with his father, and especially did not want to pass along the name to his children. Anders swore to both Karl and Solona when they were born that he would be a better man than his father was. He swore to always be there to protect them and he’s done just that. He’s done everything in his power to make sure they know how loved they are and how precious they both are to him. He’s done the same for Eleanor, treating her as his own. No matter what might happen between him and me, he would never,  _ ever _ leave his children behind.” she looked again to Vivienne as she spoke this last sentence, wanting it to be clear to the woman how badly she misjudged Anders. 

“Second,” Ari continued pointing to the note. “He addresses me here as Ari. He never does that. In the eight years we’ve been married, every letter he’s ever written to me he calls me his angel, never Ari. And he never signs his name. Maybe something left over from when he was running, I don’t know, but he never does.”

_ Amateur _ , Ari thought about the Spymaster. Leli probably had read half the letters she and Anders had exchanged over the years and would have spotted this as a fake at first glance.

“Third,” Ari said, pulling a satchel out of her bag and opening it to reveal yellowed pieces of paper which, upon closer inspection, appeared to be letters. “This is not his handwriting.” She held up the note and one of hers to show the obvious differences.

“I should have known,” Cullen shook his head. He’d received plenty of letters from Anders over the years, how could he have not noticed the handwriting. It was his job as Commander to notice subtle changes, and here he missed a huge one, about someone he was close to.

“You should have more faith in your friend, yes,” Ari said nodding to him, but with a soft smile to let her friend know she did not hate him.

“So, someone either took Anders or forced him to leave. For some reason they wanted us to believe he just left, so I don’t think ransom is what they’re looking for, and that worries me. Either way, your security here is very lacking,” she glared around the room. As much as she loved Cullen, part of the blame did fall on his shoulders. As Commander, his troops should have kept her family safe, and they failed utterly.

She gathered up her letters placing them back in her bag. This time when she spoke, she didn’t try to keep her voice calm, the anger coming through loud and clear, “If you excuse me, I have a raven to send to Leli, she may be the Divine, but I’m certain she’ll still have a better idea what’s at play here. If you want to make yourself of use,” she again looked to Vivienne, “you’ll figure out what happened. And Ambassador, you’ll figure out who you let in here that shouldn’t have been. You put my family at risk.”

She then turned to Hawke and spoke in a softer tone, her voice starting to shake. “Hawke, if you and Fenris could meet me in my room in a few hours, I have a favor to ask.”

They both nodded, and Ari turned, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind her. She was so incensed that that group, who was supposed to be the leaders of the Inquisition, would just take a letter at face value. They had lost three valuable days as a result. Three days his captors could have done Maker knows what to him.

She needed to clear her head, if she walked into the suite in this state it would scare Karl and Solona. She needed to focus, to calm herself first. She looked around the center courtyard. It was bustling with people, even the training area was full of soldiers. She sighed, it looked like there wasn’t anywhere just  _ quiet _ to collect her thoughts. As she scanned the area, her eyes moved upward and she found her refuge.

Cullen entered his office, his eyes on the briefing from the Inquisitor’s mission. He let out a sigh as he placed them on the desk, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He heard a small noise and turned in the direction of his fireplace. Somehow he’d been so engrossed in the reports that he had missed her sitting there, curled up in a large chair. Ari had clearly been crying, her legs pulled up to herself.

Cullen removed his gloves and walked to the chair, kneeling before it. Ari opened her eyes when his fingertips touched her hand. She unraveled herself from her legs and then gripped his shoulders pulling him into her, hugging him with desperation.

Cullen held her close, “We’ll find him.” He tried to reassure her while rubbing her back.

“You can’t know that. Cullen…” she made another sobbing noise and a hiccup. “What if i it’s like...Zev.. what...I don’t...I can’t…”

Cullen kissed her head. He understood her despite her broken sentences. He’d been there when she was at her darkest, just as she had been there for him. He knew what she was trying to say, what she feared. That she’d be alone again, that she would have to relive one of the worst times of her life, and that nothing could stop it. He just held his friend, shushing her and trying his best to reassure her this time the outcome would be different.

*** 

She was in the room helping Marcus pack the children’s belongings when Hawke and Fenris arrived.

“But I don’t want to leave, Ma,” Karl protested.

“You’re just going back home, Karl,” Ari reassured the boy, touching his cheek. “Your father and I won’t be far behind. Now let me talk to Marian and Fenris, you go help Marcus.”

She ushered the boy out and then turned to her friends. “Thank you both for coming,” she gave them a sad smile.

Marian reached out and pulled her into a hug, “We’ll find him, Ari, don’t worry. Are you leaving?”

Ari nodded and stepped back. “That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you. It’s clearly not safe here, I’m sending the children back to Denerim, I’ve already sent a letter to Alistair so he knows to expect them, and Cullen is sending a few soldiers as escort. I need to know if you can also accompany them, so I know they’re safe?”

Fenris and Hawke looked at each other. It almost looked to Ari as if they were having a conversation telepathically. 

They both then turned to Ari. “I will take them to Denerim, with our boys. We’ll make it an adventure, Karl should enjoy having more time with them.” Marian smiled to her.

“And I will stay and help find Anders,” Fenris nodded.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Ari argued. “For you to leave your family…”

“You would do no less for me if it was Hawke,” Fenris waved his hand to dismiss her.

“I… I thank you, both, you are dear friends. Please be ready to leave after lunch,” they both nodded and left, passing Eleanor who all but ran in.

“Mamá”, she said, her voice shaking.

Ari could see the tears forming behind her daughter’s eyes, and took her hand to lead her to the main bedroom, holding a finger to her lips to indicate she wanted her to be quiet.

When they were in the room with the door closed Eleanor couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “Mamá, someone said Dad’s gone, that he left us. Where is he, Mamá?”

Ari pulled her daughter into her arms and rocked her, one hand rubbing along her head, the other cradling her back. “No love, he did not. I will not lie to you,” she leaned back so she could look at her.  She gently brushed the girl’s hair back with her fingers. “Something has happened, but he did not leave us, and Fenris and I will find him and I promise you we will bring him home.”

Eleanor cried deeper. “But you can’t promise that, can you?” she sobbed. “Just like Papá couldn’t promise to come back to us, you can’t promise that Dad will be ok. What if he’s not ok, what if it’s like Papá all over again,” she shook with tears.

Ari cradled her daughter. She hated that the girl was going through this again. Eighteen was too young to lose one father, let alone two. Eleanor was the nearly same age Ari had been when she’d lost her own family to Howe’s treachery. Ari rested the side of her head on top of Eleanor’s.

“You’re right, I can’t. But if whoever is behind this wanted Anders dead, they’d have just killed him. They took him for a reason, so we just need to find him and bring him home, ok.”

Eleanor nodded and squeezed her mother hard. “Please find Dad,” she pleaded.

*** 

Anders blinked his eyes open slowly. His head throbbed. He rubbed it with his hand feeling a lump. He was unsure where he was, and it was nearly pitch black. The last thing he could remember was being in Skyhold, walking from the infirmary towards the residence halls. 

How did he get here, wherever here was? He tried casting a spell to heal the bump, but instead of feeling his magic,  nothing happen. He felt weak. Something or someone was preventing him from casting magic. He looked at his hands which were shaking uncontrollably. He tried to stand up, but his legs felt weak and he fell back to the ground. 

A scuffling to the right caught his attention. A man appeared about ten feet away carrying a torch. From the light he could now see that he was being kept in some type of cell. The man didn’t seem familiar to him at all. He was about five six, with a ragged beard and long, unkempt hair. There was a scar running down his cheek.

“Boss will be ‘appy ta see your awake.” The man nodded.

“Boss won’t live long when my wife figures out where I am,” Anders glared at the man.

“Oh, she won’t be a problem.” The man chuckled, “Boss already saw to it that. She won’t come looking for you.”

“What did you do to her?” Anders growled struggling to stand.

“I’d worry more ‘bout ya self if I was ya.” The man gave him a wicked smile as he turned to leave.


	8. Captive

Four days had passed since they’d returned. Four days with no answers. Four days of trying to keep Eleanor from falling apart. Four days of waiting for any news at all that hadn’t come. Four days of worry of what whoever had him might be doing to him. Four days of trying not to lose her mind. A week’s head start that his captors had and they still didn’t have any clue where he was or who had him. 

“You’re holding back”, Cullen smirked.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Cullen,” she snarled as she swung a fist at him just the same. She was barely keeping it together at this point. Knowing that between Marcus, Hawke and the soldiers Cullen had sent, her children would be safe until they arrived at Denerim was one of the few things keeping her sane. Beating on the Commander was the other.

Cullen scoffed. “I am the Commander of the Inquisition, I have fought against abominations and old gods. You, little thing, will not hurt me,” he purposely taunted her.

Ari growled at him dismissing her and dove at him, fists pounding into his unarmored chest. She continued pushing him and swinging her fists, connecting most times. Cullen thanked the Maker he had been smart enough to wear padded armor, or he was sure there would have been some bruising. They sparred in his private ring, hoping the privacy from curious eyes would help her open up. After about half an hour he could tell she was losing her anger. It was then he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. He felt her crumple in his arms, and then could feel, not so much hear, as she began to cry. Cullen wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek on it. He stayed that way with her for another hour while she let out all her fear and frustration into the cry.

*** 

It had been three days by his count since he woke. He had no clue, though, how long he’d been out cold before that, no way to know how long he’d been missing. He couldn’t see through the barred windows as they were too high up for him, even at his height of six foot. He still felt too weak to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, but he could still see when sunlight came through, allowing him to count the days. He saw no one besides the same jailor from the first night, each time promising “ta boss” would be along soon. Anders’ magic still had not returned and his hands still shook, which caused him to suspect they were drugging him with Magebane. 

He sat in the cell with his head in his hands and tried to deduce who might have him. It honestly could be anyone. Someone whose family had been killed in Kirkwall, the Grey Wardens, someone from the Chantry, or even someone looking for a political gain against Fereldan because of his connections to the Hero and the King. 

Why were these men, whoever they were, not concerned that Ari would come for him? That was the thought that worried him the most. The man had said his boss had seen to it that his wife wouldn’t come looking for him. There is no way Ari wouldn’t come, no way she wouldn’t tear down half of Thedas looking for him. Unless… his mind worried. What if they had hurt or threatened their children, or had they done something to her? Tears started forming in his eyes. Maker, he thought, please, please let his family be ok, even if he was stuck here forever in exchange. 

His mind began to play images of years ago in his mind.

*** 

_ It was their first anniversary. They were on the grounds of Highever, Fergus and his wife were occupying Karl and Eleanor. The morning had started off sweet, Eleanor having crawled into their bed, waking them both with hugs. She had flowers that she had picked for them both in a mug on the table, and was delighted at the fuss he and Ari had made over them. _

_ For lunch Ari had managed to whisk him away to a secluded spot, far off on the lands away from the castle. She said it was a spot she used to hide at whenever there was some noble coming who she was expected to meet the son of, or if she needed to hide out from Nan after snagging a few cookies. Currently the two of them were lying on a blanket, under a large oak, near one of the small rivers that ran through the land. Lunch had consisted of fruits, cheeses and some bread, that they had lovingly fed each other, laughing as they went. _

_ Anders rolled over on to his side, leaning on an elbow to look down at Ari. She had removed his long hair from it’s tie so that it fell about his face when he looked down at her. She raised a hand up, running it through his hair, eventually landing upon his cheek. Anders closed his eyes, and held her hand there with his, a lazy smile on his face. _

_ When he opened his eyes, he could see her looking up at him, her eyes shining with adoration. He ran his finger along her hairline, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear, his fingertip continuing, brushing along her ear and down her chin. When his eyes met hers again, all he could think was how he could just get lost in those eyes forever. He put his forehead down touching hers and closed his eyes again. Ari tilted her head up enough to give him a soft kiss on the lips. _

_ “Have I let you know just how much I love you?” he asked her in a soft voice. _

_ “Once or twice a day,” she laughed. _

_ “Hmm… only twice? I will need to remedy that.” He grinned, kissing her softly on the lips, before trailing down to her jaw. He moved along towards her ear and started whispering to her how much he adored her. That she was his beautiful angel, sent by the Maker just for him. _

_ Ari had responded by turning her head towards him, kissing him more passionately. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling on his shoulders. He took the hint, and rolled onto her, his hands roaming over her, as if to praise her more, to worship every curve.  _

_ They had made love under the tree. Slow and languid, full of light touching and soft kisses. Afterwards they snuggled with the blanket wrapped around them, watching the lazy water, and just enjoying the feel of being close. It wasn’t until close to dinner that they finally returned to the castle. _

*** 

Anders was pulled from his thoughts by the clanging open of the cell door. The jailor entered, followed by two other men, one of whom looked familiar to Anders, but he couldn’t quite place him. He had the clean cut look of a noble. Short cut black hair, and the start of a mustache. 

The man, “ta boss” he was guessing, stopped several feet away. “Anders, good to see you awake. We have much to discuss, you and I,” he spoke with a thick Starkhaven accent. Anders knew the voice but still could not place the face. It was right there on the tip of his tongue. The man clearly knew who he was, calling him by his name.

“Is Vael behind this?” Anders snarled. He should have known Sebastian would never stick to the promise he had made Fenris years ago to leave Anders alone. Was this him finally taking his revenge for the death of the Grand Cleric Elthina?

The man chuckled in a deep tone. “Oh, that is rich. No, he is not, but with your help, you will be seeing him soon, and will help me rid Starkhaven of the Prince.”

“And just why would I do that?” Anders snarled.

“Because you owe us, for your betrayal.” The man answered his voice calm, but with clear anger behind his eyes.

*** 

Ari entered the Chantry in Val Royeaux and thought how under any other circumstances she would be in awe of her surroundings. As she walked up the aisle she noticed a Sister approach her. “Lady Cousland,” the woman bowed, “It is an honor. Her Most Holy is expecting you, please follow.”

Ari followed the Sister through the building down a long hallway. They entered a large room clearly designed to host dignitaries and Kings. The Sister bowed and Ari followed suit. “Your Most Holy, the Lady Cousland.”

“Thank you Sister Elise,” Divine Victoria nodded, signaling the woman to leave.

No sooner was she out the door then Ari heard Leliana let out a deep breath. 

“Oh stand up already,” she laughed, “All that ceremony is so silly when it’s you. Now I understand why you hated all those titles.”

Ari stood, and for the first time in the nine days since arriving back at Skyhold, she actually smiled. Leliana held out her arms and Ari ran to them happily. “I’ve missed you, Leli” she sighed into her friend’s shoulder.

“Come, have your hair brushed by the Divine while we discuss matters,” Leliana took her friend’s hand leading her to her own quarters.

They talked as if they had not been apart even a day, falling right back into their old friendship. Ari filled her in on everything Leliana had missed with the children, and with Denerim. Ari handed Leliana the note that had been left at Skyhold while sitting in front of her, looking out the balcony.

“And Vivienne actually believed this was a real note?” Leliana asked, sounding shocked.

“I knew you would have seen right through it, Leli,” Ari leaned back against her friend.

Leliana ran her fingers through her friend’s hair, knowing it would help soothe her. “I’m afraid I have no better information. Work at the Chantry keeps me busy, leaves me little time for the work of a bard anymore.”

“So you can’t help?”, Ari asked sounding defeated, turning around to look at her.

“No, I did not say that,” Leliana smiled at her. “I will send Sister Colette with you. She is the Left Hand of the Divine and will aide you in your search, and hopefully rescue.”

Ari put her arms around Leliana, “Thank you, Leli.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will start getting darker for Anders for a while after this.


	9. Pain pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some torture, as will some of the following chapters. You've been warned.

“What do you mean I owe you? I’m not even sure I know you.” Anders looked at his captor.

The man stood and looked at Anders as if confused by what the mage had said. He paced a few moments and then turned back to Anders. He raised a hand to signal and the jailor and the other man with them each came on one side of Anders and grabbed an arm and raised him to stand. Had he not been so weak, he could have easily ducked away from them or fought them off. In his present condition, he wasn’t even sure he could stand without them holding him up.

“It is of no matter.” His captor continued. “You WILL help. Come now, I know there is no love lost between you and Vael. I know he was ready to start a war just to kill you, so now is your chance to see he doesn’t get the chance. One little flick of your wrist, a bolt of lightning and he’s gone. What is that to a man who blew up an entire chantry full of innocents?”

Anders glared at the Starkhavener, “If that’s who you think I am, than you are going to be sorely disappointed. That was a demon in me, not me.”

The man snarled. “You can’t lie to me. And you will do this, or your beloved will be taken care of,  _ permanently _ .”

If Anders had the strength, he’d rip the man’s throat out for daring to even threaten her. He would take pleasure in seeing her destroy him. But he was too weak, and all he could do was stare at him.

“You think she is coming for you, do you? Sorry to disappoint you, but you’re on your own.” The man shot Anders an evil grin. “You were too easy. A few carefully placed words and you crumbled. You pushed her away all on your own. A carefully placed note, and they all think you left on your own.”

Anders felt horror creep into him, suddenly he felt sick to his stomach. He’d been keeping her at arm's’ length for a week before she had gone, closing himself off to her. He tried to remember, had he even told her he loved her the week before she left. He was pretty sure he hadn’t. Maker, what had he done.

“She won’t be coming for you, my men have been watching, she’s replaced you already. Did you think you meant anything to her? That you really mattered? She is with the tattooed elf now. ” the man snickered. “Sorry, did you think him a friend? No sooner did they discover you had left, he sent his wife away with all their children. He’s never far from her anymore. They’ve even paid a visit to the Chantry in Val Royeaux.”

Anders head spun, listening to the man. There’s no way that she and Fenris would be involved. He had no doubt of her loyalty to him, or Fenris’ loyalty to Hawke. That meant there must be some explanation. He said that Fenris sent Hawke and _ all their children _ away. Why would he say that? All? Anders realized that it Karl and Solona were with Hawke, and yet somehow this man thought they were Hawke’s? That meant they were safe from him if he didn’t realize they belonged to Anders. He felt some relief at that realization. And if she had sent them away (most likely to Denerim) that meant… ‘ _ Oh, good girl! _ ’ he relaxed. That meant that she  _ knew _ something had happened. She would have only sent them away if she was worried for their safety. And the trip to the Chantry meant she had reached out to Leliana for help. She knew. She  _ was  _ going to come for him. He just needed to keep it together long enough for her to find him and stab this bastard in the eye.

“So? You will do this, or should we gut your cheating wife?”

Anders couldn’t think of an appropriate response, so instead he spit at ‘ta Boss’.

The man pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his face. “You will regret that my friend. You should have just made this easy.” He snapped his fingers and the two men propping Anders up began to drag him through the room. 

They dragged him down a long corridor. From what he could tell, this was some type of dungeon, but all the other cells they passed appeared to be empty. Everything was dark and damp. ‘Ta Boss’ opened a door at the far end, and as soon as Anders was able to see in the room, he knew this was not going to be good at all.

There was a long table along one wall. On it appeared to be all sorts of metal tools. Pliers, snippers, blades, and several other tools that, while unsure what they were, he was fairly sure they would hurt. There was a small bin in which a fire was glowing hot inside. Along another wall was a rack of some type, and near the center, were hand shackles hanging from the ceiling. It was here that the men pulled Anders to and chained him. His body was still weak, and it was hard to keep himself from just swinging.

“You will see now, that you should just agree to aide our cause. Just an hour today, but if you don’t fall in line, tomorrow will be much worse for you.” He turned and left the room, with just the two other men remaining, but he could only see the jailer who eyed him but said nothing.

Anders felt a tug and then heard a tear of his robes. The cold air on his back confirmed that. Behind him he could hear the other man shuffling. Anders tried to prepare himself for whatever might be coming next. He didn’t have long to wait, as a moment later he felt the sharp, painful sting and heard the crack of a whip hitting his back.The pain he was feeling just from the first hit was excruciating. He’d spent years fighting by Hawke’s side, during which he’d been sliced by daggers, knocked out by shields, and even set on fire once on accident by Merrill. None of those hurt as bad. He sucked in his breath, refusing to cry out as he felt the crack of the whip on his back again.

He pictured her face. He needed to focus on  _ her _ , and block out everything else. Remember that she would come, she would. The image that came to his mind was of her sleeping after their first night together. Her hair was cropped short, but still long enough that he could run his fingers through it. She was on her pillow, facing him. All the worry, the pain she would carry on her face was gone when she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful and happy. He hoped he had some small part in that. Anders softly reached out and ran his fingers through her soft hair, his palm resting by her cheek. She didn’t wake, but a smile crept across her face and she nuzzled into his hand. A contented sigh left her lips. She was quite simply the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and she was here, beside him. 

A few slaps to his face jolted him up and he realized he had lost consciousness. He opened his eyes, seeing the scruffy jailor instead of a beautiful red head. “Aye, no passing out on us. Keep awake, we wan’ ta to be enjoyin’ this, we does.”

Anders couldn’t hold back the scream a moment later when something heavy and hot hit his back. He could hear it branding him. Tears formed in his eyes at the pain, as he threw his head back and screamed.

*** 

Evelyn strode into the War Room. Ari and Fenris had returned, along with someone new. She had called a meeting to see what news they brought back with them. When she opened the door, the Inquisitor could see how uncomfortable her advisors were. Josie sorted through lists of guests that had been at Skyhold, still looking through any potential hits for who could have taken Anders. Vivienne appeared very interested in the paper in front of her, and Cullen seemed to be avoiding making any eye contact. Next to the Hero stood Fenris, who had quickly become a permanent fixture at her side. On the other side of her stood a tall woman with cropped black hair and an expression that showed no sense of humor at all.

Evelyn knew that the Hero was still livid with Vivienne for losing a trail on who may have taken Anders, and at Josie for letting in whoever had done it. He’d been missing just over two weeks as this point. While the Hero still had warm smiles for Cullen, Evelyn suspected she also was angry at him, if the bruises on her husband’s chest and arms from their daily sparring matches were any sign. Evelyn had tried to convince him to get them healed, but he had shaken his head in reply.

_ “She was right, Anders is my friend and I should have had more faith in him than a piece of paper. These are here,” he had indicated the marks, “because I forgot that. If I had listened to my gut, if I had pushed, we might have found him quickly.” _

Everyone straightened up when Evelyn walked around the table to next to Cullen. The meeting started.

“Inquisitor,” the Hero nodded, “this is Collette, the Divine has sent her from Val Royeaux to help with our search.”

Evelyn nodded to the woman, “We thank you, Serah.”

Collette nodded, but said nothing.

“Hero, Commander” Josie nodded, “I still have more to run through, but these here are names of people who were at Skyhold the two weeks up to Anders disappearance that would have either issue with the end of the Circles, or lost family as a result. A few more, that may have political reasons, perhaps to influence Denerim.” She handed them both a list of names and the Commander more notes on each name.

“Thank you, Ambassador.” Ari nodded passing the list to Fenris to review. “Has Cole been able to provide any insight?”

Josie shook her head, “I hadn’t thought to ask him. I will.” 

“Frankly I’m surprised he didn’t alert us at the time. Surely he should have sensed someone here had ill intent.” Cullen commented while still looking at the list.

Ari cocked an eyebrow. “Have any of you seen Cole in the last month?”

They all looked at each other. “Well, he does have a tendency to make you forget you were talking to him, if he wants,” Evelyn explained.

“So, no one recalls talking or seeing Cole in a month?” Ari asked again.

They all shook their heads.

“I think we need to find him, and fast!” Ari said, turning to leave the room, Fenris and Collette quick behind her.

“She’s gathering quite the scary looking entourage,” Cullen smirked at Evelyn as they followed.

*** 

Anders laid curled on the floor of his cell, wrapped in a ball trying to will away the pain. The cool air from the cell did provide some small level of comfort to the cuts and burns he knew were on his back. It would have been an easy thing to heal, but he had no magic at all.

The hour had gone by so slow, he knew tomorrow the man would ask again. He knew his answer would be the same, and he knew tomorrow would be so, so much worse. 

“Ari, my love, hurry, please” he whispered as he tried to rock himself to sleep.


	10. Waiting

Anders awoke the next morning (or maybe it was the afternoon) after a fitful night of sleep. The pain in his back had kept him awake long into the night, feeling the cuts tear again every time he moved. The Starkhavener entered with the two men from the day before and a mage. Even with the Magebane in his system, Anders could sense the magic in the other. He cringed as he sat up to face his captor. 

“So, you see, Messere Anders, I am not a cruel man,” The man signaled to the mage, who walked behind Anders. He could feel the warm tingle of healing magic and felt his wounds begin to repair.

Anders’ shoulders relaxed once the pain was gone. He watched the Starkhavener through a tilted head, but said nothing.

“I am sure after yesterday’s display, you can see the benefit of going along with our plan. So, you will help us now, yes?”

“No.” Anders replied.

The man looked surprised, but that quickly fled his face. “I do not understand.” He stood and started to pace. “You will blow up a chantry to start a war, but I ask you to kill a man that I know you despise and you say no? This makes no sense.”

“I am not that man anymore.” Anders answered, shaking his head.

The man’s lips snarled briefly, as he stopped pacing. He bent low so as to be in front of Anders face. “Why? Because  _ she _ says so? Because the Commander makes you think this? You are a fool, you are still the same as you ever were.”

Anders regarded the man in front of him. No one referred to her as ‘The Commander’ any more. Well, except Nathaniel, and only to egg her on. The rules about the Wardens had changed after the cure, and she had retired her post after Karl’s birth. She hadn’t been the Warden Commander for over seven years. Somehow this man missed that? More interesting was that he’d even referred to Ari as ‘The Commander’ at all, not ‘Hero’ or ‘Lady Cousland’.

“I was hardly myself during the events at Kirkwall. I was under the influence of a spirit, or perhaps a demon, I don’t know.” Anders shook his head, looking the man in the eyes. “But either way, that is not who I am now, and I will not kill the Prince, whatever your reasons.” 

“We demand justice for what was done to us, and you  _ will _ help,” the man sneered snapping his fingers. “We will change your mind.”

“I do not care what your cause is, I have more reasons then you could understand to not become what I once was.” Anders yelled back as the two men started to drag him out.

“Apathy is a weakness” the Starkhavener growled to him as they left. Anders eyebrow raised. He’d heard that phrase before, he just couldn’t quite place from where.

*** 

Anders hung from the wrist shackles. This time he had been stripped to nothing but his smalls, allowing him very little dignity. The interrogator began the task of looking over his devices.

“All you need to do is agree to do as the Master requests , and this can end at any time.” He raised an eyebrow looking to Anders who did not reply. “Fine, have it your way.”

The interrogator approached Anders, a thin blade in his hand. “Such a shame, a good looking man like yourself, I could think of other uses for this body, but ‘tis your choice.” He then ran the tip of the blade across his chest, producing small, painful slices across Anders’ torso. 

Anders hissed, but refused to scream out this time.  _ Think of something else _ , he thought to himself.  _ Something happy, something good. _

_ Karl was curled up in his arm, less than a week old. His other arm was around Eleanor who was looking with wonder at the new baby. _

_ “Can I hold him?” she asked.  _

_ “Of course,” he smiled to her, pulling her up into his lap and then showing her how to hold him. He then wrapped his arms around both children. Ari was sleeping, so it was one of the cherished few times he had for it to just be him and the kids. _

_ Karl let out a little noise and then a smile. Eleanor had a large grin back and then looked up at Anders. “He smiled at me, Daddy.” _

_ Anders gave her a squeeze with his arms. “That he did. That’s because he knows you’re his big sister. He knows that you’ll always be there to love him and protect him, just like I will be there for both of you.” _

_ Eleanor looked back to Karl and continued talking to him and rocking him a little. Watching both children in his arms, Anders felt a sense of feeling fulfilled and happy. His heart felt like it could jump out of his chest he had so much love for the two in his arms. Even though she wasn’t his, in his heart, Eleanor was as much his as Karl was. Watching Eleanor and Karl interact he just couldn’t fathom how his father could have ever treated him like he did. How could he have turned his own son in to the Templars. Anders watched these two and knew without a doubt that he’d never let harm come to either of them, that he would sooner die.  _

A painful burn along his ear pulled him from his daydream. The tormentor had an iron bar, probably the same one used on his back the day before, held to his face. It had been heated so much that it was bright red still. Ander bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming out. He wouldn’t give these men the satisfaction.

The tormenter just laughed, and then proceeded to put matching burns on his arm and leg.

This went on for three more days, each day repeating itself, except the healer didn’t heal him anymore. Every morning the Starkhavener would ask if Anders was ready to kill Sebastian. Each day Anders refused, and each day brought more torture. Anders tried his best to get through it, remembering Solona’s first steps, the first time Karl showed signs of being a mage. Endless nights of passion with his beloved Ari.

After the fourth day, the pain became too much and he passed out, still swinging on the shackles.

*** 

They found him finally. He’d been shoved into a storage closet, wards set all around to keep him from escaping. Cassandra smashed the wards, and Cullen reached in and pulled him out of the closet. He was shaking, and clearly traumatized. Cullen placed him down on a cot in the infirmary when they reached it.

Ari ran in, having been given the news, and kneeled down beside his cot to get a better look.

“Cole, can you hear me?” she asked softly. Even though he was an old spirit, he looked like a boy, and she couldn’t help her maternal instincts to protect him, no matter how desperately she needed his help. Ari ran her hand along his face as one would soothe a child. “You’re safe now Cole, are you ok?”

Cole blinked his eyes and looked at her nodding. “Weak. Need to recharge.”

“Ok, Cole,” Cullen nodded. “You rest.”

They exited the room and Cullen motioned to the tavern. Ari nodded and gave him a grateful smile. They found a secluded seat near the back of the room and Cullen placed a drink down for each of them.

“Thank the maker we found him,” Ari smiled. 

“Based on the wards that were up, someone went through trouble to see to it that he was not going to be found easily.” Cullen shook his head. 

“But who would even know to do something like that,” Ari wondered aloud. “Well, it certainly makes me believe all the more that he may know something that could help us find Anders. I’ll be saying a prayer to Andraste tonight that this works.”

Cullen put his arm around Ari’s shoulders and pulled her close. “We’ll find him, whatever it takes, you have my word.”

Ari leaned against the Commander’s shoulder and said nothing for a few minutes. She drank her ale and looked around the room.  _ Please don’t let this be a false hope _ , she thought. When she finally spoke it was after sitting back upright to get a better look at Cullen. “Are you sure he didn’t say anything to you at the dance?”

Cullen shook his head. “We only spoke for a moment before he left. He seemed a little off, but he said he was feeling ill, so I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Something must have happened there, or right around then.” She shook her head, looking back into her drink. “He was fine until that night, then something changed. He started, I don’t know, pulling away.”

Cullen took her hand in his and squeezed. “Don’t lose hope, Ari. I know it’s been a long time, but we will figure this out. We found Cole. They wouldn’t have shoved him away like that if he didn’t know something.”

Ari nodded, and took another gulp of the ale.

*** 

Anders returned to consciousness slowly. He could tell by the cold and the hardness under him that his was on the ground. He felt a cool rag at his back, someone was cleaning his wounds. Anders blinked his eyes open slowly and adjusted to the light. He was still in just his smalls, but someone had placed a blanket over him.

“Ahh, you’re awake,” the voice of a woman answered. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him from moving when he tried to sit up. “No, stay still, you’ll tear open these cuts again.” 

She said nothing for another few minutes as she continued to clean his wounds. When she moved to his front to attend to the ones on his face he could see she was a young elven girl, probably early twenties. “Whatever it is Master wants, you should just give it to him. You have a lot of injuries.” Her voice was soft, and full of concern.

“How...” Anders voice was strained. The elven girl held up a finger and then moved away. When she came back she handed him a cup with water. Anders drank it slowly and gave her a grateful smile. When he felt like he could, he tried to speak again. “How long have I been here?”

“Well, you’ve been sleeping for about five days now. You’ve been here for, oh, I’d say twenty now.”

_ ‘TWENTY!’ _ He thought, his mind racing. It had been nearly three weeks. Why hadn’t they found him yet?

There was still pain across his body, but it had healed enough and been cleaned, so that he could sit up. It was later that evening that the cell door entered. The Starkhavener came in looking angrier than he had been. As before, he started pacing once fully in the cell. Anders got the feeling this was a man who was not used to being told no.

“You should have just agreed from the start.” The man growled. “You could have saved yourself all this pain had you just gone along with our plan. But you had to drag your feet. You have no one to blame but yourself for this, you brought this on. We warned you this would happen.”

He snapped his fingers and took something from the man behind him and tossed it at Anders feet. At first he wasn’t sure what it was, but lifting it up, he realized it was a woman’s shirt. Not just any shirt, this was one he’d had made for Ari years ago, one of her favorites that she took whenever they travelled. It was yellow, with embroidered flowers on it. In the center were slash marks and it was covered in blood. Anders dropped the shirt and looked up, murder in his eyes. 

The man smirked and turned and walked out the cell.


	11. Discovery

The next two days were a roller coaster. His emotions ranged from feelings of overwhelming grief that brought him unable to get up from the ground, to anger, and the need for revenge against this man. His heart felt like it had shriveled up.  _ What of his children? _ They were with King Alistair now, he realized. He’d take good care of them, as he had with Eleanor. Anders at least could take some consolation in that.

The pain was unbearable. Was this what Ari had felt when Zevran died? He remembered Cullen saying that it had been as if all the light had left her eyes, that she had just floated through everything, was just a shell. He would not give in, but he felt little desire to go on either.

A moment later, anger would replace the pain and grief. How dare this man. How dare he harm her, how DARE he take a mother away from Anders’ children. He would rip this man from limb to limb with his bare hands if he had to. He wouldn’t need magic to do it. He would beat him to a pulp, and tear at him, and it still wouldn’t hurt that man a fraction as much as he had hurt Anders. He would show him all too well why people feared mages, and why making an enemy of Anders was a bad idea.

Moments later the grief would come crashing back down around him, as he’d see her face. It had only been three weeks, but already he was having trouble hearing her voice.

“Ari”, he whispered as fresh tears rolled down his face.

*** 

Fenris, Ari and Collette sat at the table in her room pouring over the dossiers Josie had provided them with. A knock at the door had them all looking up. Fenris stood, looking back to the women before he opened the door, ready to fight whoever was on the other side. Seeing it was Cullen and Cole, he stepped aside to let them in before joining them all back at the table.

Ari stood, walking over to the men and pulled Cole into a hug. “Cole, are you feeling better?”

Cole nodded but still looked weak, “It’s strange, most people don’t ask me how I’m doing except Evelyn.” He gave her a shy smile.

“I was hoping Cole could help you narrow down this,” Cullen indicated the pile on the table. “At least tell us male or female.”

“Well, Cole. Do you remember who shoved you in that room? We’re trying to figure out who took Anders.” Ari asked him patiently, as if a mother trying to soothe an answer from a scared child, despite her own anxiety. Fenris eyed the spirit suspiciously but said nothing.

“It was the gray man,” Cold replied, nodding.

Ari and Cullen joined the others at the table and started searching through the papers. “Maybe gray hair?” Ari suggested to the rest, who began pulling out any names that had gray hair. Collette rummaged through but pulled out none. After several minutes she plucked out one.

“I believe this is it, Hero.” She handed a sheet to her.

“Lord Grey Tamlen,” Ari read. “Cullen?”

Cullen took the paper and skimmed through it. “Yes. He’s a minor Lord in Starkhaven, but I believe...yes here it is.” He continued, his finger pointing to part of the write-up. “He claims his family had been promised lands and promotion to Duke by the previous monarch, Goran Vael. When Prince Sebastian took back his title, he chose not to honor those agreements as it was rumored that the Tamlens had some part in the murder of the Vael family. Because it could not be proven, however, the Prince allowed Grey to live but the family was left disgraced by the scandal.”

“And you all thought it was perfectly fine to have him at this ball?” Ari asked, an eyebrow raised.

Cullen shook his head. “I had objected, but was overruled. Apparently, despite the scandal, he still holds some influence with nobles in Starkhaven and elsewhere. They felt it would do more harm than good to ignore his request for attendance.”

Ari pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger to keep calm. Her eyes were closed. “Fine, so this seems to be our guy then. Do we know where he may be? He’s had Anders three weeks now, any clue as to why?”

*** 

The Starkhavener entered the cell. He’d been able to hear the wails of heartache coming from the cell for the last two days. It was a haunting sound, and he entered now, fully expecting to see the mage broken and finally ready to submit. Instead, he was shocked to see Anders standing, even if on shaky legs, still clutching the shirt. Instead of a broken man, he saw one full of anger, his hands in fists. ‘ _ Good’ _ he thought, ‘ _ I can use this, direct this anger at the Prince.’ _

“I finally figured out who you are, Lord Tamlen,” Anders spit out the name. “You really don’t know who you’re dealing with if you think it’s safe for you to enter this cell.”

“Nice for you to remember. But you forget, I know you have Magebane running through your system, you currently pose little threat to us.” He snapped his fingers, and the jailor pushed Anders back down to his knees. “You seem to be under the mistaken idea that you have a choice here. You  _ will  _ help. We have other methods to break you down.”

*** 

“Not just him, the other one too,” Cole spoke up.

“Other one? He had someone helping him?” Ari asked. “Do you remember who, Cole?”

“The angry one. From before, so angry. I couldn’t hear anything else, he was so angry and loud. You took Anders from him, he hates you for that. He hates Anders for choosing you, but he hates you most, wants to see you hurt.” Cole said, holding his head and starting to rock.

“The angry one?” Ari questioned. “Who is he? Who’s this other man?”

“Not another, same man, different voice. So angry, full of vengeance.” Cole said, still rocking.

“Maker, no!” Ari cried out, turning to look at Fenris, “How?”

*** 

“You can strike me down now, I will not kill Vael”, Anders continued to glare.

“Very well.” He bent down. His eyes glowed blue, and Anders backed away. “You will join with me again, and we will have our revenge.”

“Justice?” Anders said unbelieving.

Suddenly Grey jumped back and began pacing while talking to himself. “No, this wasn’t the plan. You can’t do this. You said you’d help me.”

Grey glowed blue again and knelt again in front of Anders. “Join with me and have your revenge against this man. Have your justice.”

“No,” Anders said, shaking his head. “It was a mistake to join with you the first time, I will not.”

Justice snarled. “You  _ will _ . You betrayed me, for  _ her _ . For some pleasure of flesh you cast me aside, sent me back to the Fade. I will now allow you to simply walk away.”

*** 

“How is this even possible?” Ari questioned. “Is this Lord a mage?”

Fenris scanned through the write-up. “No, it does not appear so,” he shook his head.

“Then how? Only mages can be possessed,” Ari wondered.

“That is not exactly true,” Cullen interrupted, and all eyes turned to him. 

“What?”

“In Kirkwall,” he explained. “We had instances of Templars becoming possessed. It took blood magic to do it though. Perhaps something similar happened here.”

Ari started pacing. “Oh, this is bad, very bad. If Justice has him…. We have to figure out where he is  _ now _ !” Her voice filled with panic as she spoke

“I know the Prince, he fought alongside me and Hawke in Kirkwall. I will write to see if he can aid us,” Fenris left to send the note.

“We will leave as soon as we hear word,” Cullen assured.

“We?” Ari asked him, “You’re the Commander of the Inquisition, you should remain.”

Cullen put his hand on Ari’s shoulder. “I am your friend first, my place is with you. I saw what Zevran’s death did to you. I will not let you face this alone, should the worst happen. Besides, I don’t think Fenris will take to you kissing him too well.”

Ari smacked Cullen’s arm. “It was one time, I was out of my mind with grief.” She smiled at him. “But thank you, my friend.”

*** 

“You can’t force me, Justice,” Anders shook his head. “You still don’t understand love, even if…. Even with you killing her, I will not betray her trust in me. You will not have me.”

“We shall see,” Justice answered, beckoning to the mage in the corner. The mage pulled out a knife, and slit his hand, blood spurting out. The mage began chanting, and two demons, a Desire and Rage, appeared.

“I think they will change your mind,” Justice chuckled as he and his entourage left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had left a few hints in the story -- did you guess before hand that it was Justice?
> 
> I leave for vacation in a week, not sure if I'll be able to wrap this up before then or not, but I'll try.


	12. The Fade

“He has an estate in the middle of nowhere, near the Antivan border. I think that is our best bet.” Fenris approached her with a letter in his hand. “This is from Prince Vael.”

“Perfect, finally a destination,” Ari sighed with relief. “Can you be ready to leave in the morning?”

“My sword is yours.” Fenris nodded, turning to prepare.

“Fenris, wait,” Ari reached for his arm. “A moment, please.”

“Of course.” He followed her as she walked through the courtyard.

Ari sighed, dreading how this conversation may go. “I have one more favor to ask you. We don’t know what may have happened to Anders. What shape he could be in. I need to bring a mage, in case he needs healing.”

Fenris nodded, “Of course.”

“Fenris,” she looked down, scared of his reply. “I’ve asked Dorian to join us. I know he’s from Tevinter and I know he represents everything you hate, but do you think, just for this journey, you’ll be able to work with him?”

Fenris’ fists tightened at his sides, his tattoos began to glow. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His glowing stopped. Opening back up his eyes again he looked at her and nodded. “For my friends, I will endure.”

“Thank you,” she replied with tears in her eyes.

They gathered at dawn the next morning to leave. Cullen and Collette were already on their horses. Fenris looked unsure but, deciding he wasn’t about to be shown up by the Tevinter mage who was climbing onto a horse, he moved to the stables to pick a mount. 

“What if… what if he’s…” Eleanor started crying again, Darren’s arm around her.

“We won’t think like that,” Ari placed a hand on her cheek. “We’ll find him. I’ll bring Dad home, I promise.”

Eleanor nodded but still said nothing, tears still running down her cheek as she leaned her head on Darren’s shoulder.

“Darren, you take care of my girl,” Ari said to him. “Prove to me you’re good enough for her, and keep her safe.”

“I will, my lady,” Darren nodded, leading Eleanor away as Ari climbed upon her horse, leading the group out of Skyhold.

*** 

The Rage Demon attacked first, looking just like her.

“You failed me.” She screamed at him. “My life was in your hands and you let me die.”

Anders rocked holding onto his head “You are not her.”

“You let me die. You placed the life of a man who wanted you dead, over mine. A Prince instead of your wife.”

“Not her, not real. I didn’t choose that, you… she would know that. Please maker, let her know that.” He continued rocking.

“Bastard,” she screamed, and attacked.

*** 

Neira Surana ran her hand along his cheek. “You desired me once, but never had the guts to speak out.” She looked just as he’d remembered from twenty years ago. “Just say yes to what he wants, and you’ll get your chance with me.” She batted her eyes at him, running her hand down his chest.

He shook his head. “No, that was … long ago. I don’t desire her anymore.” He pushed her away.

“Maybe you’d rather have me then.” She purred at him, moving slowly towards him in the Warden outfit she was wearing the first time he’d seen her. Anders gulped as she continued her advance on him, his throat going dry. Her voice was seductive, full of desire. “You told me once that it was a good thing I was married back then. That if you’d had a chance with me then, the Darkspawn would have won. You’d have been too distracted trying to kiss me to fight.” She ran her fingers through his hair as she stepped closer to him, so young, so beautiful. Her lips were a hair’s breath from his. “Say yes, and you could have me, just like this, just like you always fantasized.”

*** 

“We’ll set up here for the night. We should be close, but we’re not going to be able to find it in the dark,” Cullen instructed, looking to Ari who nodded. They’d been travelling for almost two and a half weeks. Cullen looked over the map he had of the area. From best he could guess, they should be able to get there in another six hours.

Collette surprised them with a ram stew that proved to actually be pretty good. They ate among the fire in companionable silence. True to his word, Fenris had managed to keep from attacking Dorian. He did so by keeping his distance from him, sticking mainly to Ari’s side. She was the only one of the companions he was completely comfortable around, Cullen being the exception.

After the meal was complete, Ari took her weapons and walked off to be just outside of the camp. She sat on a log and began to clean them, while looking up at the moon in quiet contemplation. Cullen brought food and water to the horses, while Collette cleaned up from the dinner. 

Fenris sat by the fire, cleaning his blade while looking over every few minutes, keeping a watchful eye on Ari. He did his best to keep the snarl off his face when he sensed Dorian come to sit near the fire.

“Shouldn’t someone talk to her?” Dorian asked, “I would think she would not wish to be alone.”

Fenris shook his head, his eyes still trained on her. “She moved away from us for a reason. Leave it.”

“But tomorrow…”

“Tomorrow is precisely why she needs to be alone. She needs to prepare herself for what may come.” Fenris nearly snarled.

“You mean if they’ve killed Anders?” Dorian asked.

“That would not be the worst that could happen.” Fenris explained, his eyes finally leaving Ari’s back to look at Dorian. “If we find that Justice has possessed him again, she will not allow him to live. To do so would put her children at risk. She is preparing herself for the very real possibility that she will need to kill him tomorrow. She does not need us hovering around her now.”

“Oh,” Dorian’s eyes looked down, ashamed he had not thought of that. If it were Bull, he wondered, would he have been able to do that.

*** 

“You are a fool!” Rage-Ari growled. “Not even half the man Zevran was.”

Anders closed his eyes, trying desperately to will her, it, away. They’d been non-stop at him for several days now.

“Did you honestly believe that I could actually  _ want _ to be with you?” She growled. “I could have my pick of anyone in Ferelden. Thedas even. Why would I ever choose you?”

“No, you, she...loves me.” Anders tried to wish away the tears behind his eyes.

“I had no choice. I was pregnant, who would want me then? I had to settle for a nobody instead of a King. Oh how foolish you are to think you’d ever be my first choice. That you’d ever be my choice at all had you not forced me.” She laughed cruelly.

“No, not real. No, it’s not...not true.” He tried to keep the voices from his head.

***

She’d fallen asleep quickly after entering her tent. She’d said a silent prayer to Andraste that Anders be alive and unpossessed when they found him. 

She was sitting on the ground watching a lazy stream run by. It was sunny, but not too warm. The grass felt soft beneath her feet, and she was wearing her sleep shirt and cotton pants.  _ This was odd _ , she thought. She realized soon enough this was the outskirts of Highever, but as it had appeared twenty years earlier. Ah, so the Fade then.

Ari closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feel of the sun, and listened to the water flow. It was peaceful, and quiet. A hand touched her shoulder and she instinctively swung her arm back knocking whoever, or whatever, was behind her down. Before she could turn around she heard a familiar chuckle, one that she had not heard in many years.

“I had forgotten, mi amor, just how dangerous it could be to sneak up on you.”

Ari whipped around, standing quickly, in time to see him pick himself up and dust off his pants. Her voice felt shaky when she spoke “Zev?”

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. He looked younger, but it was clearly him. Ari raised her hand to his cheek and touched it, she had missed seeing his eyes. Those beautiful eyes that had watched her so carefully during the Blight, were now looking on her with so much love. Zevran pulled her into his arms, and placed his cheek upon her head. He kissed the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her back and pressed her closer. Ari settled into his hug, as familiar as anything she’d ever known. The smell of spices and leather setting her mind at ease immediately.

She turned her head up to look at him again, and when he tilted his down she pressed her lips to his. Zevran placed a hand behind her head, to keep her there. Her arms wrapped around his neck, one hand running through his hair. His lips were softer than she remembered. It was perfection, full of love, adoration. They just kissed for several minutes, never straying from the other’s lips, just reacquainting themselves after so many years apart. Finally she pulled back, running her hand along his cheek again as he watched her face softly, his eyes searching hers.

“How are you here?” she asked him quietly.

“It is the Fade, My Warden. I am always here. It is you that stays away.” He motioned for them to sit. She returned to her original position. Zevran placed himself behind her so that she sat between his legs. His arms once again wrapping around her, pulling her close to him again as he leaned along her. Ari laid her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes again.

“Zev, there’s so much to tell you, so many things.” She began.

“Shh,” he whispered softly into her ear. The feel of his breath along the side of her face was familiar, reassuring to her. “We can see from here. I have watched, I am never far.” He ran his hand through her hair and kissed her temple, resting his cheek back along the top of her head. “Eleanor, she is beautiful. This boy she is to marry, I am not so sure, he is ok, but he is very…”

“Virginal?” she asked, laughing.

“Si.” He chuckled. “But I think he will be a good man.”

“I miss you, every day,” Ari said, pushing herself back to be closer to him.

His arms tightened around her. “I do you as well, mi amor. But you have a beautiful life, one you deserve. We all are happy to see you thrive.”

“We?” she asked, raising an eyebrow even though he couldn’t see.

“Your family. After… well after I came to the Fade, I found them. You did not tell me how much like your mother you are, or that your father was so adept at cards. Little Oren is most delighted watching Karl.”

Ari sighed. “It brings me peace to know you are not here alone.”

Zev kissed her head again. “I am not alone, do not worry for me. And I feel the same. Those years you wandered alone, those were the ones I worried the most for you. Seeing you with children again, a home, with love. This brings me happiness.”

Ari tilted her head up to look at him. “So you’re not angry, that I have a new family. That it’s with  _ him _ ?”

Zevran chuckled again. “Mi Amor. I know you did not realize it, but it was clear to me the first time I met Anders that he  loved you. How could he not? You are a treasure, you managed to turn me into a one woman rogue. How could you not charm any others? No, my Warden, I am not angry. I am happy that you have someone to love and adore you as I do. I would never wish you to be alone.”

Zevran held her close again, and they just sat, in quiet, enjoying the feel of the other in their arms after so many years apart. Ari felt lighter, Zevran’s words having released her from the guilt she’d been carrying for so many years, the worry that she had been dishonoring his memory.  After what seemed like hours, but also like nowhere near enough time, Zevran began to stir. 

“I wish we could just stay like this, my beautiful Ari. But you need to wake up now and hurry.” He said, looking into her eyes as she turned to face him.

She raised her hand to his cheek again, which he leaned into. “Just a few more minutes.”

Zevran leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, hearing her sigh against him. When he pulled back he spoke again. “I would love nothing more, but he needs you. You need to wake now and find him. He is faltering. If you do not get to him quickly, he will not resist much longer.”

Ari nodded, clasping hands with Zev even as she began to feel the Fade disappear, and the smell of leather and spices drift away.

***

“I should have  _ known  _ this would be my fate married to  _ you _ .” She growled.

“No, I’m sorry, no I swear...I never meant…” Anders pleaded.

“I should have know you’d hurt me. You are not a good man. I was never safe with you.” She pushed him and he hit a wall.

“No, love, no...I would never…,” he wouldn’t push back, didn’t have the strength.”

“This is the second time you let me down when I put all my trust in you. Just like before, blood and death.” She punched him in the rib, probably fracturing one.

“No,” tears ran down his face, hearing her speak the truth he already knew in his heart.

***

Ari blinked her eyes a few times, and could see it was the tent above her. It appeared to still be pretty dark out. She lay there for a moment, then remembered how urgent Zevran had made it sound that she awaken and leave to find Anders. She woke Collette, and then quickly worked her way around the camp to rouse the others, explaining as best she could why they couldn’t wait until daylight.

They broke camp quickly and were on their way within the hour, dawn still another hour away.

*** 

The demons had quickly figured out the best way to torment him was through her. Desire found that while he may recall feelings of lust for Surana or Hawke, that it was when she became Ari that his heart would pound faster, and that his body would react, even when he tried to fight it. And so they would alternate. Rage-Hawke would scream at him, tell him how she had to flee her home because of the Chantry. They Rage-Ari would curse and yell at him, punch and kick him, and he would not fight back. Then Desire would appear, sometimes as she looked like Vigil’s Keep Ari and make promises to him. Sometimes how she was at Kirkwall, telling him how she had come to his clinic secretly hoping for him to take her in his back room and make her moan. Other times like she looked as she did in the present. She’d make him promises, slide over his body, with a wicked tongue. 

One morning he had awoken to Vigil’s Keep Ari licking and sucking on his already hard member. In his sleep addled mind, he had forgotten it wasn’t really her and had moaned, his hands going into her hair, pulling and pushing into her. It wasn’t until several minutes into the act that he remembered it wasn’t real and had pulled Desire off of him, scrambling away. Ashamed to have forgotten.

This torment had gone on for weeks now. He could feel his resolve fading. Every time Rage hit him, he wished it would be the final blow. The one that would finally end his torment and set him free. If he died and went to the Fade, at least he could see her again. The real her, not Desire’s version of her.

The previous night had been particularly rough. Clearly the demons were losing patience with him, as Desire ‘upped’ the game, throwing so many images his way. He finally had to jerk off to relieve the pressure in his groin. Rage-Ari then showed up, hitting harder and more than ever before. Yelling at him about how little he mattered. That she wasn’t coming for him. She was finally free of him. 

The late morning sun was filtering in, but he was in so much pain from the beating that he barely cared. He didn’t even register the sound of the cell clicking open.

A moment later, Desire Ari was above him again. It chose her current form this time. Desire really laid it on thick, even having tears on her face. 

“Anders, Oh Maker.” Desire ran a shaky hand along his cheek. 

He couldn’t do this anymore. It was all too much. He just wanted to die, wanted to find her in the Fade, to hold her one more time.  _ Enough _ , he screamed in his head.

“I give,” he whispered, his voice weak from lack of use.

“What?” Desire clearly needed more of an affirmation.

“You can have me.” He said, clearer. His hand then shot up, wrapping around Desire’s throat and squeezing. He watched as Desire tried to keep up the act, clawing at his hand. Pretending a demon needed air. “Just stop being her, don’t ever be her again.” He snarled, squeezing tighter .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed Zevran, had to pull him in a little <3


	13. Found

The party arrived at the Tamlen estate around 11. They gathered at a hill nearby, looking over the grounds while hiding behind bushes. 

“What do you think, Cullen?” Ari asked.

Cullen watched the estate carefully. From their vantage point he could see inside the grounds, past the gate. He saw no movements at all. “Either it’s completely abandoned and we’ve been on a wild goose chase, or he has just a skeleton staff here, if any. There’s no guards that I can see at all. Hopefully we caught a break.”

She nodded at him, trying to keep her hope in check. She needed to prepare, chances were that Justice was in there, and even it it was just him, he alone would be a difficult fight. ‘Please let him be separate’, she thought.

***

Quietly they crossed the gate, and into the front door. Luck seemed to be on their side. Ari held a hand up, and all stopped, being as quiet as they could. Ari watched Fenris’ face, relying on his elven ears to pick up what the rest of them could not. She held her breath, after what seemed like forever, Fenris turned his face towards Ari and nodded. 

“Someone is here, I can hear voices. There,” he pointed to the left.

Ari nodded and then cloaked herself, leading the party. She took cues from Fenris which direction to turn when they’d come to new hallway. Sure enough, after several minutes, she could begin to hear the faint sound of someone talking. They continued, following the sound of the voice.

Ari signaled for everyone to stay put as she and Fenris moved silently to the door and peered in. Inside a man was pacing, they could not see who else he could be talking to.

“This was not the plan. You were going to help me get revenge on the Prince. You said he’d help, you said we just needed to give him a little push and he would crack. But it’s been well over a month.”

The man paced, as if waiting for a response, but Ari could hear no one else talking.

“No, if you leave me then I’m no longer protected. You never said anything about you joining with him.”

Ari looked at Fenris, who snarled. They realized he was talking to Justice. Ari slid the blades from her holsters as quietly as she could as Fenris did the same with his blade. She turned and nodded to the rest of the party and they prepared for a fight. Fenris began to glow and burst through the door to draw attention to himself and off the others who followed close behind.

Before the man could react, Fenris had him pinned to the wall, tattoos still glowing.

“NO!” the Lord yelled. “You’re ruining everything.”

Fenris readied his hand to rip out the man’s heart. Ari called out, “Stop, Fenris.” He paused and looked at her, an eyebrow raised. “It won’t matter, even if his host is dead, Justice will still control the body. Go with the plan.”

He nodded, his tattoos losing their glow just as Lord Tamlen began to glow blue. He began to push back Fenris, and suddenly stiffened as Dorian let forth a holding spell.

“Is it working?” she turned to Dorian to ask. 

The mage nodded, lowering his hands. “It’ll hold for three days. Enough time to get him there.”

“Good,” she smiled stalking closer to Justice. Fenris eyed him, weapon in his hand ready to strike just the same.

“Hello, Justice.” She sneered at him as she knelt over his prone body. A large clattering caught her attention as two men burst through the doors. Cullen and Collette charged them while Fenris placed himself between the battle and Ari.

“Sorry to ruin your party, but you’re day is about to get much worse. Prince Vael has a special cell for you two. An enhanced one, that will keep you trapped in there, even long after your host has passed. “ Ari glared at him, half wishing to rip out the man’s heart herself. Fenris’ special abilities not needed. “You should have known better than to try to take what is mine.”

Justice’s eyes glowed. “You are too late,” he smirked. “He is mine.”

Ari tapped his cheek with her hand. “Oh Justice, you never were good at bluffing, that’s why you always lost at Wicked Grace.”

*** 

They worked their way through the dungeon, searching but finding cell after cell empty. Collette had remained in the main room to keep guard on Justice.

Fenris opened the door to a door and snarled immediately. Ari walked past him and froze. This room, it was clearly one for torture. She’d only seen one other like it before, in Arl Howe’s estate shortly before she had killed him.

A noise drew their attention to a man holding out a knife, looking angry, determined to fight. That determination failed him a moment later when he was pinned to the wall by a snarling elf who had a hand in his chest.

“Where is my husband?” Ari growled.

The torturer pointed to a key sitting on a table hoping to save his life.

“What should I do with him?” Fenris asked her, his voice still menacing.

Ari’s eyes looked around the room, praying he had not been here. Something caught her eyes in the corner of the room.  She walked to the crate there, inside were his robes. Her fist clenched around her dagger.

“Show him his heart,” she growled as she stalked from the room, her eyes full of anger and hatred.  As she left she could hear a plea for mercy and then silence.

Cullen place a hand on her shoulder when she joined him in the hallway. “Remind me not to piss you off when you have Fenris around,” Cullen smirked at her.

“Don’t kidnap and torture my husband, and you won’t have to worry about it,” She closed her eyes, trying to keep focused, to not let the images of what may have been done to him creep into her head.

“Ok, I’ll come up with something else for next Tuesday then,” he nodded. She hugged him, knowing he was trying to pull her out of her thoughts with humor, and although it wasn’t working, she appreciated the effort just the same.

Fenris exited the room, wiping the blood from his hands with a rag. Ari looked around, the dungeon seemed larger than the estate. “We should split up. Cover more ground.”

They all chose a different direction and began to search for him.

*** 

Ari spotted a cell that seemed to have something in it, unlike every other one that had been completely bare. As she approached, she could see there was a prone figure lying on the ground. She was unable to see if it was Anders, but the two demons circling inside the cell told her this was probably it. She used the key and quickly entered the cell.  Her blades twirled, ready for a fight. She backstabbed the desire demon, tearing through it before it could do more than let out a bloodcurdling scream.

Cullen heard the scream and the sound of a battle and began running  towards the noise.

The rage demon fell nearly as quick. Ari sheathed her weapons and turned around. She ran to him, lying motionless on the ground and stopped. Her heart froze, it was him, but he’d clearly been beaten, his face cut and bloodied. He was in nothing but a blanket, and she was able to see further signs of burns and cuts. Her stomach threatened to lurch at the same time her heart gripped. She wanted to simultaneously comfort Anders and go back upstairs and rip Justice limb from limb with her bare hands. He turned his head, his swollen eyes barely opening and looking at her.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she bent down to him. Her shaky hand gently touching his cheek, not wanting to hurt him further.  _ He was here _ . After over a month of searching for him, he was here, and alive. “Oh, Anders.” She wept.

He whispered something she couldn’t hear. She bent closer.

“What?” she asked.  _ Dorian, I need to find Dorian, he needs healing badly _ .

“You can have me.” He growled. Before she could react, his hand shot up and began to choke her.

Ari clawed desperately at his hand, she couldn’t breathe, panic started setting in.

“Just stop being her, don’t ever be her again.” He looked at her with such hate as she tried to push him away with her feet, while continuing to claw at his hand closing around her throat. Tears fell down her eyes, she could feel herself feeling faint. Just as she was about to pass out she felt a pair of strong arms pull her away from him to safety.

Her hands went instinctively to her throat, gasping for air. She heard Cullen yell for Dorian. Moments later Dorian appeared in front of her, and began casting a healing spell at her throat. She pushed him away. 

“Him,” she whispered, her voice strained and hoarse. She pointed urgently to Anders, pushing Dorian again.

“My dear, let me help you first.” Dorian insisted.

Ari pulled out her dagger and pointed it at Dorian, indicating Anders again with her other hand.

Dorian nodded and held his hands up to surrender as he got up and walked to Anders. He cast a sleep spell when the mage tried to fight him off. Magical energy ran through Dorian’s fingers as he moved them over Anders body, pausing where he found broken bones. Ari watched him intently the whole time, fear gripping her the few times that Dorian turned to look at her, his eyes indicating that whatever he was finding was bad.

Fenris entered the cell and stood next to her. He began to snarl as he noticed the red marks on her throat. She smiled weakly at him and grabbed his arm. Fenris nodded and stood back, glaring at the mage still lying asleep on the ground. Cullen took her hand and held it tight as they watched Dorian work. After a long wait, Dorian rested his hands on his knees and leaned back. He took a deep breath, and then walked to them.

“He’s still very injured, but he’s safe to move now, Commander,” Dorian nodded to Cullen, who dropped Ari’s hand and walked to Anders, slowly picking up his friend’s limp body to carry him out.

Dorian placed his hand on Ari’s arm. “He’s whole, I could detect no demons or spirits within him.”

Ari let out a breath she’d been holding. “Thank the Maker.” She squeaked. 

“Now that he’s out of immediate danger, you will let me take care of this?” Dorian said, beginning to heal her neck without asking.

“How can he be unpossessed?” Fenris snarled. “He attacked her.”

“Fenris, I’m fine,” she took his hand and squeezed it.

“Only because Cullen got here in time.” Fenris growled again.

“He probably didn’t even realize it was her,” Cullen answered, walking over with Anders in his arms. “Maker knows how long he was tortured by those demons. He probably cannot tell truth from illusion right now.”

Dorian lowered his hands. “There. Just bruising, but the damage itself is gone.”

***

The night air was cool as she leaned along the parapet. The ends of  silk scarf around her neck moved with the light breeze, as did the skirt of her dress.  She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, hoping her gratitude could be felt by him in the Fade.

“Are you alright, Lady Cousland?” she heard someone ask in a strong brogue.

She turned and curtseyed. “I am Your Highness. Thank you again for letting us remain.”

Sebastian took her hand and gently pulled it up to signal for her to rise. “Anders has still not awakened?”

Ari shook her head and looked up trying to will away a tear. Normally she wouldn’t even reveal this much to another noble, especially one she did not know. But Fenris had spoken very highly of the Prince, even used a word that rarely crossed his lips--friend. She knew Fenris did not trust easily, and therefore if he trusted the Prince, then he was highly trustworthy as far as she was concerned.

“Then I will say a prayer tonight for him. Shall I send word to King Alistair that he has been found?” Ari watched his eyes as he asked. She had learned that the eyes gave away much that the face and body language did not. She saw nothing but genuine concern and care in them, Fenris had chosen wisely with his trust. Ari nodded and Sebastian bade her a good night as he left her to her thoughts.

*** 

Anders blinked his eyes, slowly opening them. Instead of the dull grey walls of his cell, he saw flowing red curtains. As he came more into consciousness, he realized he was on a soft bed, not the hard ground. Had it all been a dream? He sat up quickly, and immediately felt the aches that told him that it had not.

He groaned and turned for his legs to hang over the edge. A cup of water was quickly placed in his hand and looking up he saw Dorian giving him an amused smile. “Getting up so quick in not very wise, drink drink.” He motioned to the cup.

Anders drank slowly, his parched throat hurting. “Where are we?” he finally asked.

“Castle Vael. The décor is a little… ‘Free Marcher’ for my taste, but it beats the tents.” He gave a wave of his hand.

Anders nodded, and gave a small smile. It felt odd after having not done so in so long.

The door to the bedroom opened and before looking he could hear Cullen saying, “I don’t care if he is a powerful ally, the next time he tries to grab my arse, I’m chopping his hand off.”

Anders dropped the water when he looked up. Standing next to Cullen was Ari dressed all in blue, with a white scarf around her neck. She wasn’t dead, she was alive, and beautiful, and looking right at him, with a large grin spreading across her face. He had only a second to register her being alive before she was throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly.

“Thank the Maker, you’re finally awake,” she grinned at him, pulling back when he let out a groan. “Oh, sorry, I forgot, your injuries. I just missed seeing those beautiful eyes.” Her hand touched his cheek gently.

Anders smirked, his beautiful warrior woman. She  _ had _ come for him, she was still alive and she’d rescued him. He reached out and gently touched her face as he studied it, a face he thought he’d never see again. Those beautiful lips he loved to kiss. The wonderful red hair he adored running his fingers through. He ran down to her jaw, her skin felt amazing under his touch. When he reached her scarf he started to slip his hand under, to pull it away so he could kiss her. Ari stiffened very slightly, trying to redirect him from pulling back the scarf.

“Ari?” He quirked an eyebrow up.

“It completes the outfit. Leave it.” She grinned sweetly. She’d never once cared about an outfit, he knew she was hiding something.

With one hand he pulled away her hands that were trying to stop him as he pulled back the scarf with the other. Then his eyes fell upon her neck and he saw bruises. Bruises that looked just like fingers, and his stomach suddenly clenched. He remembered the Desire demon, choking it, but… it wasn’t…  _ Oh Sweet Andraste _ he thought,  _ what did I do? _ Anders suddenly felt very nauseated. He couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. How could she be looking at him like that when he’d hurt her,  _ again _ ?

“I need to rest, I’d like to be alone.” He said quietly.

Dorian chuckled, “Oh, of course, we’ll leave you both alone, let you get reacquainted.” 

“Alone,” he repeated, still looking down at the ground.

“Of course,” she said, reaching for his hand, which he moved away at the last second.

Ari stepped away, to where Cullen was waiting for her.  She wrapped the scarf around her neck again and left the room. Once in the hallway, he put an arm around her waist and whispered in her ear, “Just give him time. I know what he went through, he just needs to work through it.”

She nodded, trying to hold back the tears threatening to form as Cullen led her away.


	14. Skyhold

They remained at Castle Vael two more days. During that time Anders refused to see anyone except Dorian, and even that was under protest. When they finally departed, it was with an armed escort from the Prince to where the Inquisition ships were waiting for them. During that time Anders did not sleep much, instead staying out by the fire, keeping whoever was on watch company.

During the boat ride, which was only a day, he again refused to stay in the cabins below, sleeping on the deck. Ari and Cullen leaned along one of the railings looking out into the night sky reflected on the water. Ari kept one eye on the sleeping mage.

“He will barely talk to me, forget sleeping near me.” She said, looking to Cullen.

He nodded. “He was in that dungeon for over a month. Being in the open air is probably more reassuring to him right now, reminds him that he’s not still trapped down there. My old quarters in Skyhold, the roof there had a large hole in it. I never patched it for the same reason. As for not talking to you, he’s probably trying to come to terms with everything they did to him. Probably afraid that if he talks to you about it, you’ll somehow see him as less of a man.”

“That’s stupid. He’s being stupid. He’s stupid” She frowned.

Cullen chuckled, and nodded but said nothing, just patting her hand.

By the time they were just a day out of Skyhold Ari was feeling irritated instead of sad. For weeks she had been agonizing over him, desperate to find him. Now that she had, he wouldn’t say more than a few words a day to her, would not look her in the eyes, and shied away from any touch as all. This was not at all the man she had married. Her husband was constant with the affection and adoration. So much so, that she had grown to feed off of it. Now that it was completely and abruptly cut off after over a month of him being missing, she felt like a drunk without a drink. She’d become jumpy and irritable, snapping at everyone, even Cullen. He would reply with pulling her into a hug instead of snapping back. She started to wonder if perhaps it wasn’t Anders. But he smelled like Anders did to her, all Elfroot and magic, but maybe it was a doppelganger. She just couldn’t make it all fit in her head.

Anders watched her as she sat upon a rock, her back to the rest of the camp. Fenris was beside her, never more than a few feet from her at this point, he’d even taken to keeping his tent next to hers. Every once in awhile he’d turn and shoot Anders a look that made him think of their time in Kirkwall. They talked in soft whispers, most likely about him, he presumed. 

_ She’d be better off, safer even _ , he thought,  _ without him _ . It was quietly killing him not to pull her close and never let go. He knew keeping her at a distance was hurting her, but if it kept her safe from him, he’d rather have her hate him, than be hurt. Every night he’d watch the tent she was in and think about how easy it would be to just walk in there and kiss her soundly. To make love to her until neither could move, but then he’d remember his hand around her throat and he’d sit back down on the ground. This was better.

*** 

They approached the gates of Skyhold, she at the lead with Fenris and a woman he didn’t really know. She sounded Orlesian, and from the way she dressed, he assumed she was connected to Leliana somehow. Cullen kept the rear, ever the soldier, he watched for danger. This left him and Dorian in the center, but Dorian had learned quickly that Anders wasn’t much for talk. This stretch of the ride Ari hadn’t even turned around once to look at him. It hurt, but he thought ‘ _ Good, she’ll stay safe. _ ’.

Walking through the gates, they were greeted by the Inquisitor and Josephine. Cullen jumped from his horse as soon as he was near and pulled Evelyn up into a large hug, kissing her in a way that had Josephine blushing. “Pick me up, Da” Lily cried out to him jumping up and down beside them. Cullen laughed and scooped the girl up.

As they dismounted in the stable, Ari stood near the horse, slowly pulling her packs from the saddle. Her eyes kept roaming to where Anders stood, talking to one of the healers. Dorian walked next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. Ari turned and gave him a soft smile as Cullen and Evelyn approached, Lily still in her father’s arms, refusing to let go of his neck, as if worried he might leave for another month.

“Let the messengers take care of that, come, we’ll go to the tavern, first drink’s on me, the rest are on Eve.” Dorian said.

Evelyn laughed, squeezing Cullen’s hand. “Go,” he said. “I have to meet with Rylen anyway and see what I’ve missed, and then Lily and I need to inspect the troops.”

Ari nodded and let her friends pull her away for some ale and cards, and to forget the rest for now. 

Anders started to follow after her, but only got a step in before he was plowed into by a Princess.

“Dad,” she started crying, her arms wrapping around his waist, her head buried in his chest. “Oh, Dad, I was so scared.”

Anders wrapped his arms around Eleanor and rested his cheek on her head. He said nothing, but relished in the feel of her in his arms, the love pouring off his girl for him. His hand rubbed the back of her head as he hugged her tight, and he kissed the top of her head. He let her lead him off to the kitchens, her never letting go of his hand the whole way.

Arriving back at her room several hours later, Ari expected to find Anders there, hoping they could finally talk. Looking around though, she found that not only was he not there, it appeared he had moved everything of his out. She sat on the couch defeated, her hands in her head.  _ ‘He’s safe, that’s what’s important,’  _ she thought to herself. 

She didn’t know what had happened to him while he’d been Justice’s prisoner. She knew those demons probably had tormented him. She’d been there to see what that had done to Cullen, so she had some ideas. There were signs of torture that Dorian also found wounds from. She wished she could bring those men back to life, just to kill them again. She just wished she knew what it was that happened to make him not love her anymore.

*** 

Anders wiped his hands with a cloth, removing the little blood that had come from the scraped knee he had just healed. It had been three days since they’d arrived back at Skyhold, and he had discovered that working with the healers was helping keep his mind off everything else. He heard footsteps approach, he turned to find Ari there, Fenris beside her.  _ ‘Of course’ _ , he thought, ‘ _ Back to being a guard dog, just like with Hawke. Fine, she should have one. _ ’

“I know you’re not talking to me, just wanted you to know we’re returning to Denerim at the end of the week. I hope you’ll be in the carriage with us.” She looked up at him, clearly trying to hide the hope in her eyes.

“I have patients to get to,” was his only reply, and he walked past them.

Fenris tugged Ari’s arm, pulling her out of the infirmary. The tears in her eyes were not lost in Anders. It was killing him, but he just wanted her to be safe. She couldn’t be with him, he was too damaged and very clearly a danger.

*** 

There was a knock at the door. Anders stood up and braced himself as he approached. So far Ari had given him space, had not come looking for him to force him to move back in. Perhaps this was finally it. Opening the door, what he had not expected to see was Cullen, Fenris and Cole standing there.

“Come on,” Cullen threw an arm around him and pulled him out the door before he could protest, “we’re taking you out tonight. No more sitting alone in that room.”

Fenris stepped behind and closed the door before rejoining them. “First round’s on you, mage.” He said, patting Anders on the back.

“So, now I’m  _ mage _ again? You haven’t called me that in years. No longer friends?” he raised an eyebrow to Fenris.

“When you start acting like the man I know as my friend, I will address you as such,” Fenris answered, nodding his head.

“Maybe this is a bad idea…” Anders tried to pull away.

Cullen just tightened his hold on him. “Nonsense, healer’s orders.”

“What healer?” Anders asked.

“Dorian”

They drank in complete quiet, everyone just looking at Anders, and he clearly had nothing to say. Finally Fenris seemed to have reached his limit with the silence when Cole and Cullen left the table to get a drink.

“When are you going to stop being an ass and fix this?” He asked. “ _ Mage. _ ”

“I’d rather not discuss it. It’s better this way. She’s better off.” Anders said, indicating to the waitress he needed another.

“I thought that with Hawke once. After I left, I thought it was better if she hated me, that somehow that would make it better.” Fenris looked in his ale, a sorrowful look on his face. “I did not. It hurt just as much, worse maybe. It accomplished nothing but wasting three years I could have been with her.”

“I’m surprised,  _ elf _ . I would have thought you’d be whispering in her ear about how much better she is without me.” Anders countered.

“Why would I do that?” Fenris raised an eyebrow.

“You saw what I did to her. I nearly...If Cullen hadn’t gotten to her in time she’d be dead. How are you seriously sitting there telling me you’re ok with this?” Anders threw back the rest of his drink.

“Because you were not yourself. You were under duress, but you would never intentionally hurt her.” Fenris explained.

“And how could you possibly know that?” Anders wanted nothing more but to return to the quiet of his room at this point, not listen to Fenris counter everything he said.

“The first time I escaped Danarius, I was taken in by a group of people, the Fog Warriors. They showed me a kindness no one had ever before. When he caught up to me, he ordered me to kill them. I…” Fenris took a deep breath and could no longer look Anders in the eye. “I had been so well trained to obey him without question that I just did it without another thought. When it was done, I was so horrified by what I had...that I had...I just ran. I didn’t stop running until I met you all in Kirkwall.”

“It’s not the same.” Anders said, his voice stern, looking up as Cullen and Cole returned to the table. “You don’t understand what happened there. What I did. I’m not safe.”

“I understand,” Cullen said, taking a drink of his ale. For years he would not talk with anyone, including Ari, about what had happened to him during the blight. But with Evelyn’s love and patience he had long ago learned to stop blaming himself for that time, that talking about it actually  _ diminished _ the power it held over him. “I know exactly. I was there when Kinloch Hold fell. I was tormented for days by the demons there. I watched as one by one they killed my fellow Templars. I had the demons put my worst fears and my deepest desires on display, tormenting me with them for days on end. I was so out of my mind that I didn’t even realize the Wardens and their party were real, I thought they were another illusion. I know all too well, Anders.”

Anders looked at him with wide eyes. He knew Cullen had been there when the Circle had fallen, but he’d had no clue the extent of what he’d been through. He had sometimes heard him and Ari whisper, and had known whatever it was, it was something Cullen did not want to share, so he had always respected the man’s privacy and never pried.

“So Anders, if you wish to talk to someone that has been there, that knows, I am free anytime. Who you really should talk to, though, is your wife. Or, you can go my route. Continue to punish yourself for something that was out of your control, keep everyone at arm’s length and trust no one until you realize ten years later just how alone you really are. It wasn’t until I started trusting Eve that I finally began to heal. I lost nothing but time for myself, but if you wait ten years, you’ll lose much more.”

Anders looked down to his drink, taking a gulp and looking down again. “She is better off without me. She should not want to be with me.”

Fenris shook his head. “When I kept Hawke away, I once told her that she should not love me, that I was nothing but an escaped slave and not worth her time. I had even tried pushing her onto you. Do you know what she told me?”

Anders shook his head. 

“She said that I could choose to love or not love her if I wanted, but that I had no right at all to tell her who she could love.”

“You all don’t understand, she is better off. This is to keep her safe.” Anders eyes fell.

“Anders, we can’t force you to change your path. But I think the one you are on is a mistake. You are both stronger together than apart. Trust in her, trust in your love and take a chance.” Cullen spoke softly.

Anders took another sip of his drink. He wanted,  _ oh how he wanted _ to be back in her arms. But he was afraid, what if it was the wrong decision and she was hurt again?

“She already is broken, sad. He doesn’t love me, what is so wrong with me that he doesn’t love me anymore. Won’t even look at me he hates me so much. What did I do wrong? How did I lose him?” Cole said, looking directly at Anders.

“She thinks that?” he asked. She thought  _ she _ did something wrong?

Cole nodded. Anders leapt from the table. “Goodnight gentlemen.” He couldn’t let her think for a moment that she had done anything wrong. He wanted her safe, but that she blamed herself tore at him. The need to fix that thinking in her pulled at him.

“She’s in Josephine’s office. Girl’s night.” Cullen called to the man as he fled.

“I helped?” Cole asked.

“Yes Cole, you definitely helped,” Cullen smiled, while Fenris nodded, chuckling into his beer.

***

They all sat around the table in Josie’s office sharing some Antivan tea, Ari, Josie, Evelyn and Cassandra. They were laughing about a passage Cassandra was reading from Varric’s latest book that was obviously about Evelyn and Cullen.

The door opened with a bang, causing them all to jump, which rolled into more laughter. The brandy added to the tea may have had something to do with that, an attempt by the ladies to cheer Ari up. They all turned and quieted down when they saw Anders there, stalking his way over to where the women were.

Ari stood. She wasn’t in the mood for another fight, her heart was already shattered. Did he really need to come here to crush it further? “Anders, now is not the time…”

“Shut up,” he whispered and then grabbed her waist with one hand, putting the other behind her head. He pulled her close to him, bent his head down and pressed his lips to hers and began to softly kiss her, pressing further, an apology with his lips.

Ari recovered from the initial shock and quickly threw her arms over his tall shoulders, to keep him there, keep him from being able to change his mind and leave.

The women all sighed and giggled as they watched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, some happy!!!


	15. Tell Me

Ari led Anders back into their room holding his hand. No sooner was the door shut then he was pressing her against it, his lips on hers while he placed his hands on her hips. She kissed him for a minute, then pushed. He moved back just an inch, passion still filling his eyes. All thoughts of keeping her at a distance crumbled. The minute his lips had touched hers in Josephine’s office he knew he  _ had _ to have her.

“You promised me before no more distractions, that we’d talk. And as wonderful as this is, it’s a distraction.” She said, placing a hand on his cheek so he knew she wasn’t mad.

Anders took a deep breath to calm the lust growing in him and turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand and then nodded, allowing her to lead him to the couch. When they sat, she took one of his hands with hers, interlocking the fingers. Her other hand she stroked his cheek again, feeling him lean into her hand. She knew just the touch would soothe him. Before her, Anders had been starving for affection and love, and Ari learned just how much the smallest touch could sedate him when upset.

She spoke to him in a soothing, quiet tone, “Tell me what’s wrong, Anders. Why have you been pushing me away since before you were even taken. Tell me what I can do to fix this and make us right again?”

Anders looked at her with tears forming in his eyes. He ran his thumb along her hand holding his, and his other hand came to rest on her thigh. “Sweetheart, it was never you. There is nothing wrong with you at all, you are perfection.” He lifted their joined hands bringing hers to his lips and kissing them softly. 

“I feel the same way about you,” she looked at him adoringly.  “But if that’s how you feel, why are you pushing me away?”

_ Trust in her _ , he heard Cullen say. Anders shook his head he couldn’t, no matter how much, the thought of telling her all those dark things that had happened, of them being her head as they were in his. It just wasn’t something he could do. He decided to give her one truth, to mask out all the other things he wouldn’t tell her. 

“I let you down when it was the most important.”, his free hand came to rest on her stomach. “I couldn’t save our child, I am supposed to be a healer, but I couldn’t… I failed you.”

Ari placed her hand over his. “Anders, that was no more your fault than it was mine. It was painful, and I still feel the loss, but that wasn’t your fault. If it wasn’t for you… if you weren’t there to hold me every day, if you weren’t there to kiss me so softly, I never would have made it through that.”

He closed his eyes, reaching out without looking to pull her closer. She climbed onto his lap, straddling a leg on each side of him and taking his head in her hands so that he would look at her. “You are enough.” 

She kissed him, as he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer. He still felt unease inside, unsure. But she was here, and he missed her touch, the feel of her, the smell of her. Ari parted her lips when he ran his tongue along them and tilted her head as he deepened the kiss, his tongue running over hers and pulling her in.

She pulled back her head, her fingers still running through his hair and smiled at him. “I love you,” she whispered.

He nodded and started kissing her jaw, moving towards her ear, his voice husky as he whispered to her. “I need you, Ari. I need to feel something good. Please.”

Ari reached behind her to take his hand. She stood up and pulled him along while she walked backwards, leading him to the bedroom, never taking her eyes from his. Anders stopped and suddenly whipped his hand, pulling her close and wrapping an arm around her waist again. He once again bent his head down kissing her soundly while his hand ran along her back. She could feel his arousal already through the fabric between them. He pulled his head back, keeping his forehead on hers. He looked into her eyes, “I still don’t know how I got so lucky as to have you fall in love with me.”

“You’re about to get luckier,” she smiled at him, closing her eyes and kissing him again as she walked backwards and pulled him into the bedroom.

Anders stood behind her, encircling her waist with his arms. He brushed aside her hair with his nose and began light kisses along her neck, knowing full well the effect it would have on her. He smiled against her skin when he felt her lightly shiver.

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He ran his tongue along her neck up to her ear where he started to nibble, pulling her to him with his hands along her hips. Ari sighed when she felt his length pressed against her ass. He removed one hand from her waist, and pulled at the ties to her dress. When it fell, pooling at her feet, he walked around her, to face her. He looked up and down her body, a purr leaving his mouth. She was wearing a matching red breast band and smalls, all lacy, barely covering a thing. “And just who is that for?” he quirked an eyebrow giving her a sly smile.

“It made me feel better, pretty. And maybe I hoped a certain healer would notice.” She grinned at him.

“Sweetheart,” he closed the gap between them. “You are already pretty. I thank the Maker every day for you.”

Ari wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss, while he picked her up and walked her towards the bed. He placed her on it when they reached it and crawled over her. He watched her face for a long time. She reached a hand up and touched his cheek, bringing him back to the present.

That seemed to be enough to break the spell as he leaned back down and kissed her. She moaned into his mouth as he rested the full weight of himself on top of her. His lips moved along her jaw, to her neck as his hips pushed against her, pressing his painfully hard arousal against her.

“Maker, the things you do to me,” he purred into her ear.

Ari gave him a wicked smile as she pulled his shirt over him, nearly ripping it.

“Eager are we?” He nipped playfully at her ear.

“It’s been much too long, I need you. Anders, please…” she dug her nails into his hair that had grown long again since his captivity and pulled his head back down to her for another scorching kiss. 

Her hips bucked up into his, and he hissed, so close to coming already. He knew he wouldn’t last long, and he was damned if he was going to finish in his pants instead of in her. He stood up along the bed, removing his boots, never taking his eyes off of her. He removed his pants and his smalls in one move and rejoined her on the bed. He ran his hands over her stomach and up, cupping a breast through the thin fabric and feeling her nipple pebble underneath. Anders leaned back down, kissing along her neck, while his other hand ran under her to pull her closer to him. He could feel how ready for him she was through her smalls.

“Do you know what it does to me, to feel you want me, to know I’m who makes you so wet? To hear the noises you make when I touch you.” He whispered in her ear in a low growl. It was one he knew would make her mewl and it didn’t fail this time either.

He removed her breast band. When he leaned up to look at her again, she took the opportunity to shimmy out of her smalls. He smirked. “So eager for me. All mine. My beautiful warrior woman. You still take my breath away.” He kissed her lips, running a hand up her leg when she wrapped them around his waist. It seemed she was just as eager to have him as he was her.

He slowly slid down her body, kissing along her neck, down her chest, stopping to take a breast in his mouth. He ran his tongue over a nipple. Ari’s hands ran through his hair, pulling him closer as her back arched into him again. He smiled as he sucked on her, hearing her start to moan. His other hand teasing her neglected breast. 

He released that one and continued his movement down her body. He ran his tongue over her stomach, kissing and nipping at it as he went. He felt her stomach tighten under him, her moaning becoming more urgent, full of want and desire, and he’d barely started touching her. He moved past where she really wanted him, and pulled her left leg up, placing it over his shoulder. He began to kiss and lick her thigh, feeling her quiver under him, making him harder just from the feel of her. He repeated the process with her right leg. He then, finally, moved to her core. Her scent was intoxicating to him. As soon as he touched her with his tongue she bucked and called out. He chuckled and moved an arm over her waist, holding her in place.

He resumed his task, licking along her slit, and delighting at hearing her scream out his name. He teased the bundle of nerves with his tongue and grinned as he felt her hands pull at his hair.

“Anders, Maker don’t stop, Anders.” She cried out.

He worked at her more sucking on her clit, while pushing one, then two fingers into her, feeling her start to pulse around him. Her breath became shallower, she was panting almost. She kept repeating his name in a breathy moan, making his cock twitch at the sound. His fingers pumped in and out, and he curved them to brush along the bundle of nerves inside her.  A moment later he felt her try to arch as she let out a scream. She came with such force, and he loved every second of it, lapping at her juices, feeling so much elation at being able to bring her so much pleasure.

When her breathing normalized he crawled back up her slowly. Apparently too slow for her as he chuckled when he felt her start to pull him up closer. When he was face to face she pulled his head to hers and kissed her with force. He returned the kiss, just as forceful. He readied himself to line up with her, when the world flipped and she was on top of him.

She gave him a few pumps and then slowly slid onto him. His eyes rolled back in his head, and his hands came to her hips automatically. She felt so good, warm and pulsing, Sheathed inside of her felt like home, like this was where he should be, that she was made just for him. The doubts from earlier pushed to the side by the feeling of pure bliss he was experiencing. Ari began to move on top of him. He let her lead for a few minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore. The sight of her on top of him. Of his length disappearing into her, the ecstasy on her face. The way her breasts bounced. It was all too much and he began to thrust up into her. She cried out for him, faster, harder she commanded and he obliged. Ari leaned her hands on his chest for support while continuing to rock on him, meeting his thrusts with hers. Their eyes locked, full of heat and desire.

She came a second time, screaming his name again, pleading with him to keep moving. He thrust up into her, pulling on her hips, coming into her a moment later and calling out her name.

Ari bent down and kissed him. He pulled her closer. “It’s wonderful having you all to myself without little ears around.” He purred, nipping at her cheek. 

Ari moved so that she was alongside him again. “Well, don’t get too used to it, they’ll be climbing all over us soon enough.”

“So, you didn’t send them away with Hawke so you and Fenris could run off and get married then?” he asked with an amused grin.

“Is that what that moron told you?” she laughed. “Maker, he really was a special kind of stupid.”

***

They laid like that, wrapped up with each other for a long time. Ari fell into a blissful sleep, and Anders just held her, running his hand over her arm that was stretched across his chest. He kissed her forehead. His chest still felt tight. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t quell those doubts digging into his mind.  She shifted, a contented sigh left her lips as she snuggled into him further. Anders watched her, still feeling unsure which was best, staying or going.

But he couldn’t stand that she thought he hated her, that there was something wrong with her, he squeezed his arms around her gently and made his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, reunion sex <3


	16. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole story has been rewritten to better fit into the follow up I'm working on.

Anders splashed his face with water, and grinned as he pat his face with a towel. He could hear her humming, a sweet tune, although knowing her, something with lyrics that were probably obscene. The sound of her humming changed volume as she moved through the suite packing in preparation for their departure for Denerim.  Despite the worry in his heart, hearing her hum made him feel warm, happy.   _ Mamá sings again _ . From the day Eleanor had innocently told him that so many years ago, he knew she loved him just as he loved her. He  _ knew _ . Hearing her hum today, he closed his eyes and hoped he was worthy of it.

"Be careful, mage. Your friendship with the Champion protects you only so much."

Anders whipped his head around. The voice had been clear as day, but it couldn’t be. Meredith was dead, over ten years now. But he had actually  _ heard _ her voice, clear as a bell, as if she was standing right beside him.  He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths trying to calm himself, use the advice Wynne had taught him years ago. Instead of quieting though, he heard noises of battle, heard Hawke yell a charge. 

“Another one for me. How many have you got, Hawke?” Varric called out.

He opened his eyes and the world slammed back hard. Anders legs gave out and he collapsed to the ground, trying to catch his breath.  _ What in the Maker? _

“Anders, you almost ready? They’re here for our things.” he heard Ari call through the closed door.

“One minute.” He replied trying his best to keep his voice calm, normal sounding.

“Everything ok, Dad?” Eleanor asked him as he emerged.

“Yeah, fine, little one, just give me a minute and we can leave.” he answered, his eyes never leaving the ground.

***

She watched out the window, seeing Skyhold disappear in the distance. She never thought she’d be happy to see it disappear so quickly, but she missed her children in Denerim. Each minute on the road meant she was a minute closer to seeing them again. Ari was pretty sure the elf sitting next to her was feeling the same way about seeing his family. She’d miss her friend, but Cullen had promised a trip to Denerim in a few weeks.

She watched the landscape passing by, hearing the murmurs of conversation in the carriage, but not really paying attention, her mind already on its way to their destination. After some time, she leaned back in her seat. Fenris looked up from the book he had been reading and gave her a warm smile. 

“I am happy I could help you, my friend, but I don’t wish to ever be away from Hawke that long again.” He said, with a far away look. “He will be ok?” 

Ari looked across the carriage where Anders slept, his cheek resting on the top of Eleanor’s head, his arm around her. Eleanor was also asleep, her head resting on Anders’ chest, and arm tossed around him. It warmed her heart to see them both finally happy again. “I think he will. His children’s love will help for sure.”

Fenris nodded again, but didn’t answer.


End file.
